Dreams

It's hard to remember my 1st dream.  Oh, yes, I thought my old choir director, Mrs. Campo, was murdered.  It was my fault, somehow, I guess because I'm indian.  So, I found her, and she was carrying me quite a lot with my hurt ankle.  It was interesting how I connected.  Before, Ellen DeGeneres was carrying me with my hurt ankle and I was thinking about being rubbed.  There was another dream where I was trying to **********.  My dad's youngest sister and little girl cousin, the aunt told me to be more comfortable in the bathroom.  When I went in the bathtub, I looked from behind the curtains and the light was on and she had come in then left.  The next dream, I was on a long long walking bridge, strong, like a dream.  I remember there were 3 boys, 1 maybe his name started with a Z.  1 was Tim Burton's son.  I talked to him, and he was really nice and cute.  He was small with dark hair.  I was with several adults.  I know Helena Bonham Carter was there, and she was taller than me by several inches and more rotund and healthy.  I got up thinking I wanted to put how her round, chubby daughter squaked as she picked her up.  After awhile, I said she was the most European person here and went up to her and maybe or probably started to put my arm around her.  I guess she was putting her arm around me and stuff for a long time, with my hurt ankle, which isn't really hurt now, and in different ways.  For some reason, I was thinking of old movies like Singing in the Rain or An American in Paris, which I thought of seeing Mary Poppins yesterday.  Eventually, she picked me up because of my ankle, for a long time.  I made a strong connection with her dad being all English and then with the rest of her race being Spanish and Jewish.  I'm not sure what was most memorable.  I guess my hurt ankle and seeing her as most European.  I did see maybe an all English blonde with slick hair, and I guess for some reason it didn't matter to me.  ***  So, I guess you can imagine how it was.  I don't remember all the details.  I guess I felt kinda knocked out a bit but nothing really bad, like I went in and wasn't afraid to process things.  Before, I think I felt a bit worn and unable to experience.  This time, I was kinda not fully developed, still.  When I was looking to see if she was murdered, it was very depressing and something I had to accept.  I was worried that it had to do with me not stopping it and causing it.  It was sorta a dark, trashy, more sharp slum area, more orangey and like with slits of other things.  The bridge was big, like an old dream, and weighted down, quite a lot, though it didn't seem to affect me as much as it could, like I was dead in a way partly.  It was a thick bridge.  We were sitting on the side.  There were like maybe 3 wires and a window with cement on the outside.  It was very strong, like a building or street, very thick, seemed so stable but uh-oh not really invincible.  So, Helena Bonham Carter was wearing a dress, which was maybe was like brownish with certain colors like orange or blue or green.  So, Helena Bonham Carter was saying "David" because her dad is all English a few times.  Also, I went in the bathroom to lock the door.  I can't even close my garage door because of a chord in the way.  I guess with the choir director we were down in a low area that was kinda yellowy-orangey-maybe gray.  I had told someone about a Cathedral that seemed good but not the best, you know 1 of 3.

PROBLEM

So, my mom seemed to get mad at me for something that supposedly Ellen DeGeneres would agree with.  I figured the n word thing is why I don't trust her jokes.  See anyone happy around, lately?  No, there is no point.  Also, I already decided I don't want to be tacky in the 1950s.

I'm rather disturbed and overly taxed.  I thought of some violent things.  Not like realistic, which I have to not do..  I 1st got upset at Nell Burton because I also got a message from Ginny Kopf via my mom.  I'm disturbed she thinks she's so good just because she did the Disney voice since the mid-1980s.

I'm being flooded with insults, for some odd reason.  I'm tired of going through this person's BULLLSHIT.

I also got mad at Ellen DeGeneres for thinking she's something because it said that I wasn't good enough racially, which is BULLLSHIT.  She keeps thinking she's cooler, and she keeps thinking she's gooder.

Being Right and Saving Things for Later

Nell Burton is considered right because her dad is from L.A.  I don't know why his family is from Burbank, but all the broadcasting is there.  I guess she's saving it for later.

Help!

I was thinking of how annoyingly racist and stuck up Nell Burton is and felt that I might be my dad and thought of c**ting people's faces.  I keep thinking of that but got over it again.  Why is this happening like this?  Maybe, I'll go ahead and c** your face for you.  EMO BURTON FAN

Being Perfect

So, anything a Late Boom girl says is right.

What do you think of this girl who is probably all English: link.  It seems like it's best not to mix with other Europeans.  I know Órla Fallon's last name was Carron and is French from Normandy not the Anglo-Normans, which seem to be what pervade Ireland, though no one talks about it.  The Anglo-Normans are Norwegian and maybe other Nordic countries.  I know in the U.S., I met a French blonde married to someone with a German last name.  She was so smart but didn't seem to think so.  I had a drama teacher from New Orleans with a French last name.  My 1st drama teacher I found is from where Ellen DeGeneres is from.  I met 2 other people from New Orleans who might have some very white ancestry who I liked, though 1 is gay and looks sick now.

I'm curious, so Tim Burton made England popular, but Helena Bonham Carter seems to admit she grew up with her mom, whose mom is Jewish and whose dad is Spanish and Jewish.  It's just people who have all 1 European ethnicity have so much to offer.  You know Kate Bush?  She's ½ English ½ Irish.  She had really nice parents.  She seemed more interested in modern culture and could fit in in England but isn't like a hose of bossiness.  She isn't the same, now.  She got really big, and people would think "that's something Christina likes."

Well, Ellen DeGeneres's mom's last name is Jewish, so maybe Tim Burton wants his kids Jewish.  Maybe, he uses them as a tool.  Hey, aren't I used as a tool to not look that good because my dad is old and my mom isn't technically just "white?"  People think all my accomplishments are just me being spoiled.  Did you know I grew up thinking the opposite, like that I did things I was supposed to and everyone else came from lazy, racist families?

Problem

Why does Nell Burton look like kinda like sorta clumpy, like she's put together?  It's supposed to be that she's fat like her dad, who was thin before after being on swim team in college.  That's funny, my brother isn't fat, anymore.  He was only a fat baby and chubby toddler.  I had to suffer the side effects of my dad and the race of my mom.  So, then she looks kinds like a patchwork doll, like her mom.  However, she seems kinda irritated from her dad being American, like her mom didn't let her be American.

I feel kinda bad because I went online and started off fat but got thinner.  We moved, and I was thinner even more but got fat quickly, didn't want to leave the house and didn't end up doing exercise videos because I hadn't before and it didn't come to me and I wished I didn't have to maybe, not sure.  Now, I do a little at a time.

I guess the other argument is that everyone has problems.  I mean, people have had problems since 2006, though.

Problem

Why does Tim Burton protect Nell racially against Eurasians who look white?  Hm, maybe he doesn't.

Got Mad

So, I was thinking wow like meeting Tim Burton it's like over for my mom.  I finally reach some way I wish I was but not exactly, like I was going through a change, filling out a different extreme.  I just wanted the European features in my background.  No one encouraged this.  So, I lost my personality at 11, maybe by earlier 1998.  I typed 2008, at 1st.  It's funny that's when computers came out.  I think it was also when I found I was moving to the New Orleans area.  That's kinda sick, supposedly someone gave me my personality.  Apparently, I just took from what others liked to do around me.  I mean, I found that quitting gymnastics I was able to be less like unfeeling-looking, though I'm sure the gymnastics is what gave me my strength.  I guess my mom seems to want me to not be attractive so I'll be accepted as modest, but no one believes that, at all, and even seem to expect more effort from me.  Also, my dad seems to have used to say he denied he'd hurt me for it, but I find this fact to be untrue.  They're lying to me and making me believe weird things, like my life became an experiment and that's actually why we moved or maybe why the whole bank of Florida closed.  If that's why, I mean what does that mean, so what?  Also, my brother wasn't as cool and my parents were like no comment.  For some reason, people started to make fun of him.  I know he took a picture of me where only like some more than ½ of me was showing.  I mean, I guess that's okay, but then he acted like he was sad for me that we weren't moving to the city.  I think my parents were just overbearing of that, like I was bad to want to have fun, like I had an attitude that would affect others.  Also, you're not supposed to make me uncomfortable with my dad because your dad ... "happens to be" Tim Burton.  OH MY GOD!  ^0^  Can you believe that?  And, tell me, who's your mom, your supposed blood mom???

Carelessness

So, why do we like get pictures of Nell Burton and have to examine her like being sorta lazy and what would you call it sorta unaware letting out carelessness for others?  Haha, that was supposed to be funny.  She already has so much respect for who she is.  I wonder if she's wondering about that, now..

Your Own Cultures

What do you think of people following your culture in a mean way.  That's what Tim Burton, Ellen DeGeneres, and Nell Burton do.

How can you deny that Tim Burton has become mean and is simply racist and supposedly shit otherwise and just spoils Generation YZ?  HEY THAT'S LIKE WORSE THAN LIKE HELL.  What happened to "the late 1990s, too?"

Woke Up

I've forgotten my dream.  I think I thought of Tony from "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" but was like I was singing on a platform.  She posted a post about Les Misérables.  I looked at the videos today, since my mom and brother went on vacation for about a week, and I was looking at some videos I got, including The Scarlett Pimpernel and A Star Is Born.  They're thin and probably still wrapped up..

Ate:
ham cut into chunks
mashed potatos and gravy
stuffing and gravy
cole slaw
chocolate cake with chocolate icing I made and chocolate Breyer's ice cream

I couldn't finish any of it.  I had 1 chocolate and part of a chocolate chip protien bar, and it slowed my digestion down.  It does that if you eat them a lot I think, I guess because they're full meals.  Also, already I guess my digestion wasn't like "on a roll," though it was working.

So, I suddenly turned on and was thinking all these smart things and coming up with points and matching ideas, since my mom isn't around and took my brother with her.  Also, I was upset, it seemed people thought that life wasn't about me being happy around 1997 and 1998.  The things that changed were all done in spite, hatred, and racism, for people like me or just me, rather..  They wanted the world to be boring.  They wanted to suggest it was our fault.  Hm, yea, I'm also part Jewish but think most people are or a good handful, really.  I'm not like ¼ Jewish.  Also, I got the idea that, just now, that maybe I'm dark like other Latinos, Italians..  Um, what else?  Isn't that okay?  What would that = having skin like lard?  I just figured I was more German than the English and non-Italian.  However, I'm not just German.  I'm Anglo-Irish but more like English style but still strict in the Irish way.  I mean, maybe not, but I mean I like it and the name fits|names kinda fit.  So, why, all of a sudden, did the Italians and Hispanics go spastic and supposedly the French were the ones with the brains and no longer the English - hey, that's like Ellen's partner, Italian-Australian.  She's, I think, around 10+ years younger.  So, if she doesn't have kids to have time, why is she married?  Or, does she want kids, too?  Because she doesn't seem to be finding any men..  I don't know why, but I know that.  I can just tell.  Hm, maybe the Spanish tried to be like the Russians but think in private they're white.  That's sick.  I'm not gonna be with them.  I'm not outspoken and like uncivilized, though.  WTF is this!  Why are all these niggers fantasizing that I'm like them!?  Is this because of Johnny Depp?  So what, if I've done like ... well, I have real excuses for being like annoyed.  I also realized that I'm older now so why would I like fantasize learning with my dad at 26?  I thought we'd maybe live together when I was 19.  The hurricane came, and my parents didn't split.  My mom was just gonna be with my brother..  He used to always hang around her.  I think, when my brother was a baby, my dad stimulated him and as a toddler so did my mom.  My mom set us up like we were tacky crap though because of my dad's age, though she thinks it's because of his traits.  HA!  I wonder if she even knows what a trait is.  A physical feature or a "personality trait."  Wait, why am I getting interjections from Nell Burton, the part Latino, thinking she's superior?  I was who I was, and she came in and said I wasn't, like her mom feels.  Tim Burton doesn't care.  Also, I think Ellen is rash enough to think all my intelligence means nothing and won't admit she's actually thinking it's because I'm part Chinese.  What am I supposed to do?  I mean, if you were Portia, would you accept it?  NO!  Why get mad at me for getting upset white people get mad at me, too, like suggest I'm different in a tight way?  Watch my dad fart that he's white when he "sees 'me..'"  Now, it's about saying oh but you're not perverted like the bad Italians and Spanish.  Also, I got the feeling that if my dad's oldest sister, who is younger, were here, she'd be nice.  She's a devil!  Interjecting about my mom's good qualities because my dad is related to her and not my mom and because she's not technically Caucasian.  Hey, someone's stimulating me.  They're watching me through a camera in private and signaling other-worldly noises.  They are little clicks and squeaks that sound like, for instance, Nell Burton, but now in a born, annoying, insulting, highly ticking way.  Why should you "be able" to do that?  Why doesn't that click with you now?  You think I'm "not white?"  Well, you listen to people who aren't white.  You let other people be white if they want.  What now?  They aren't, it is supposedly their fault, not mine.  I made the best of my situation.  What's wrong?  I don't deserve a chance?  I'm crap?  My ideas are the result of crap?  You don't care why?  You think I'm nothing and other people being submissive is old news?  I don't think we're supposed to have to be submissive.  You just think that because of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.  See, I'm right.  You just are an angry machine pretending your bullshit seems true.  You didn't listen to me, and now you're CRAP to me!  See, you're gonna say that's not true, again, because maybe I'm not really "that 'white.'"  You don't even know what that means.  You think I'm not in tune with nature and am beastly.  You're gonna explode if you're worried about how I mean by the word "beastly" like I would also say all the right words, like I grew up in a perfect environment.  So, what?  Do I deserve to post on my blog without being made fun of?  Why do you wait for me to say stuff that no one else says and assume I did it too late in time and that it's all the result of crap but with other people it's something that gets time spent on?  I don't think you're white.  Why do you think I have to have the flaws that you have, like it's unfair?  You think people come from a gene pool of Heaven or Hell?  Why are you able to affect me?  You have some program on where you fall over when I don't agree?  If you're not perfect, then you're not, like if you don't know everything, they we both don't know everything, get it?  I didn't get that to click with how I wrote that, but you know how that goes.  Funny, supposedly, if my mom were older I'd have more European traits, but I wouldn't be divine.

Problem

I will not listen to Tim Burton's logic if he already changed his life to focus on being mean to certain people, like that I don't deserve to get attention from people in Hollywood online in secret.  My life is already ruined.  Look, he's jealous for Nell, but Nell is Latino.  That means that she's mean and racist to the Chinese.  Look, I'm not totally worn out.  Stop telling me that I'm like perverted, as an echo, like if it sounds like I think I'm cool just because I'm Chinese and not totally "privileged."  Like, maybe my house isn't nice but isn't like unkept.