How I'm Feeling

I seem to have had a bad day, was at school all day.  I found out how to get back in the voice class.  I guess I have to go back, tomorrow.  I want to go shopping for clothes for theater, like shorts and shirts, though today it was strangely cold.  I liked my long socks, but I need shoes for Improvisation.  It's just that I'd be there all day tomorrow, but I need to get it done ASAP and the transportation wasn't answering.  I mean, I'll just sleep with my umbrella.  I'm tired now but not going to bed just yet, today, probably should eat something!

Problem

Yesterday, when I got back the 1st time, there was a fat lady with a skinny head in front, fluffy dyed hair.  She was tilting her head sarcastically because I don't think I should tell people I missed "Supercalifragilisticexpalidocious."  You know, every time.  I could hear it loud and clear from the stalls.  It had just ended, so I saw them lined up.  I was annoyed because there's no way I could sit there and not have an insulting thought come to my mind hit hard.  It's just what happens.  I really don't want to do that, remember???  So, she tilted her head and made me think of my mom's nose being stupidly smooth like a slide like a triangle!  Oh no, that's not okay.  I be that thought is floating above her head.  And then, her neck popped and I think it still freaks my mom out.  I felt my mom doing something with her nose, too, and I'm not sure what happened now.  It doesn't seem okay, to me.  The problem is she's so sorry for other people and thinks you should make a big deal out of stuff like this, when it's not really what you're supposed to pay attention to.  I don't want to say this every time much less have to remember nor that I will.  I won't.  I mean, that's that.  You won't say it every time you list what plays or musicals you've seen.

At the Show, Yesterday

Actually, the 1st time I got up was to put water in my left eye after "Feed the Birds."  I thought it would be good if I were in that section.  When we clapped, for some reason I clapped louder when she came out.

Back

I watched Mary Poppins and am back but tired and dirty.  I had a jumbo hot dog for $7, but it's not like a long hot dog.  I also had a triple fudge brownie which tasted like candy and even like a nut, like chocolate sorta cool, light tan nut, for $3.50.

So, I got up and came back at the end of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" (didn't have to look up the spelling.)  I had to go to the bathroom.  Then, I think I left again to change my female thing.  I had already come in late from eating.  I tripped and almost broke or did something like stretched my ankle on the dark, thin stairs, to the last row.  I was pretty fine.  I had to limp but not always.  I went back to the bathroom and changed my female thing with my mom, who didn't want to go back though we had to sit down.  The 2nd time I came back they were doing "It's a Jolly Holiday With Mary," apparently an ending.  The 2nd time we got back had another coincidence.  There was maybe some coincidence.  I know once I moved and I knew what the man, a fat man, was gonna say, and I think he knew I'd knew ... I mean I moved just like the word he was about to say and it seemed I made the move before he did.  It sounded the same.  So, I walked well back.  Then, we left after the bows quickly.  I saw a girl wearing hot pink and black stripes and tripped on my other ankle from a curb, which I've often hit, especially at church.  It hurt a little, but I was fine walking on both legs.  However, I accidentally hit another curb and had to start limping.  I came home and fell asleep.  My ankle started to hurt so much.  Now I have to hop on 1 foot.

I had a creepy dream.  There was 1 where I was hanging around trying to get in maybe Ballet I and Voice.  Finally, I saw Ellen DeGeneres, and she was tall and put, vaguely, her arm around me.  She looked like me, her chest.  I wasn't having fun hopping, so she picked me up and I kept piling higher and I later realized maybe she was kissing my foot.  I had another creepy dream but forget.

I thought of going to the ER, but I really don't think they'd do anything to me.  If anyone knows, let me know.  It feels like it won't go dead forever.  I mean, yea, I might get tired waiting at the hospital.  They might give me medidince but shouldn't be too bad, though it may affect me adversely enough, as it has.  It seems it will take a few days or week.  I guess I will just hop around.  I have a cane from home.  It might be too much money to get crutches.  I guess not, but I'm not sure where my dad'd get them.  I wanted a wheelchair, but it seems crutches work.  My ankle is stiff.  Too bad they don't come to your house.  I guess they'd want an X-Ray, though I don't think I broke a bone.  Anyone have any idea of what's going on?

More

This post failed.

My last post failed...  I ran into the teacher in the bathroom twice and stepped like Hungarian Rhapsody, Bugs Bunny on piano ... I'm pretty sure.  Lso, my hair glowed with the Fructis curl scrunching gel.

More

I told the blonde to do a backwards summersault. I had gotten an Oreo crumbly, the only shake.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Problem

I left my Debrox open.. it was leaning over and I thought the top was on!  It was stuck in a crevice I noticed.  It made a loud noise, and my ear has a pimple, can itch, feels like stingy, and is plugged.  I may have to go to the doctor.  It feels like this ear, my left ear, is getting bigger.  I felt normal, before, though.  It just feels more plugged now.  I used the better earplugs when I took my bath.

So, I guess I'll just have a nap or no nap and sleep at school.  My mom said to use the gym, myself.  I mean, I can sleep on the bench and probably will wake up by myself.  I need a louder alarm, too.

I had a funny feeling about why my ear plugged up.  It feels like I can only hear through 1 ear!  Too bad about the pimple, but right away I change my ear plugs each day.

I have to cook my fish, pack the crackers and veggies, pack the money, hm no paper and pen..  Also, my dad didn't get me a recording device.  =[  I also don't have money for it.  I have my camera, but it won't stay on that long, I know.  D;  I mean, no, I'm not gonna listen to the class alone.  I was gonna use it if I needed it.  It's hard to think with my ear plugged, too.  My wounds are getting better but still sting.  I'm feeling more put together with something to look forward to and a nice teacher..  In the summer, not sure if she's teaching, probably, but I want to do tennis, and organ..

Cultural Appreciation

Does Ellen DeGeneres honestly believe people generally pack their things and head down to historical sites?  I guess they do in New Orleans, but I mean it seems more like it's from the early 1900s.

In the nation's oldest continuing city in Northeastern Florida, which is Spanish and very, very hot other than in the winter and maybe some of the fall, unsure, imagine like homeschooled girls.  I remember the theater, but like the kids weren't all like old-fashioned.  1 was friends with a girl from New Jersey, not big roles I saw in the historical thing.

I don't know why it seems so Hollywood creepy to you.  I guess that's like the thing waiting to happen.  Wish someone would like tell me what they want to know.

Dream

- There was a baby put in a tub because someone felt that it was feeling bad.  She looked like Nell Burton with sparkly blue eyes and thick, rich hair.  She had a protruding face.  She was dipped in water that was low, but then, the water raised, in a baby tub, probably in a low bathtub.  Eventually she drowned.  They might have lifted her.  After awhile she moved up herself.  It sounded like she was waving her arms saying "airplane."  I tried to coo her, too, in a kind of menacing, nice way.  Eventually, it seemed she would drown.

- Before, I was with "a theater teacher" "from the past."  This person said "I did the program."  She was staying at my house, like a foreign exchange student.  She was eating fried chicken, and that was all she felt like eating at that hour I could tell.  We got on a couch, and it showed something ... oh, before, there were fat people in our class on a stage, 1st 2, then 3, then a small 1 that kinda ran, with her.  I showed her about running forward with your arms in front of you.  Then, I was on the couch with her behind me.  I had seen her skin like dinosaur scales.  Something came on, puppets, the puppets got scales, and I kept feeling like a bubbly punching at my crotch from her feet kicking.  This lasted a long time, and I woke up feeling kinda pleasant, in a way, as far as being stimulated.

- Before the baby, I saw a cute boy who had kinda a thick watery face but looked English otherwise with light brown hair in a bowl cut kinda combed back and probably to the side or the other way around.  He was taller than me but considerably small.  He was with his dad and 2 siblings.  This dad kinda looked Jewish Polish, short.  His sister looked Japanese but kinda European, since he was.  I don't know, guess the other sibling might have been an older brother or sister.  They were all ½ Japanese.  The girl looked at me and was like gaping I was Chinese, and then I had to tell her I had Indonesian and Dutch culture for 500 years.  We were walking down, like a gray tall long hall.  It reminds me of this thing they have here called Ice at this huge place that's like a hotel and has like even things displayed, like at hotels at Disney.  The ceiling is very high, and it has so many huge pathways.  The reason I like living in Orlando now is because I guess I'll see if I can afford a Disney pass and ask my parents to help me buy stuff, maybe next month, and so I can, well, before, I thought I'd hang out on the outside, ride the trains, walk through the hotels, eat at Downtown Disney and look at the Christmas shop and stuff, walk around outside the parks maybe.  I'm not sure what I'd do in Disney every weekend.  I'm just wondering what going on Splash Mountain a lot would be like.  They sure have a good ride of Space Mountain.  I do like walking through the historical stuff, like the MGM stuff.

- Before, I know Ellen DeGeneres was in it.  It was something more serious and sorta media-ish.

Also, I had a good look at the cute boy.  I liked him.

Problems

So, like, if the schedules were perfect or we lived a long time ago we could learn things like ballet and gymnastics and singing at a young age and even learn music and art.

Problem

I can't comment on Ellen DeGeneres's page.  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?  HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING.  QUIT IT.  I'M CALLING THE POLICE IF YOU ARE TAKING ORDERS FROM MY DAD.  YOU THINK I'M A NIGGER?

I'M GONNA *BEEP* SOMEONE.  QUIT IT, YOU DUMMIES.

Also, my TV isn't working, only a music station comes up.  Can you quit talking to my dad?  I'm gonna *beep* you if you do.

The Ghost

It was kinda wispy, like rippled.  I just got a hair straightener.  There was 1 with light pink and 1 with a darker pink.  They were thin and cheap.  I am saving our money.  My dad only gives me $20 at a time, now, and my mom doesn't give me $100 a month.  They stopped when I bought like a bunch of ballet videos cause I had none, you know maybe 3 and some books etc., supplies maybe.  I was totally like feeling so bad, and it wasn't a mental disorder|etc.  Like insane..  Maybe I just felt bad about doing bad in school, but over the summer I mean it was possible.  I guess it was that I was incapable of lectures and reading history, which is longer than what you read in high school or what I read in honors non-"advanced placement," not sure about other classes, probably the same there.

Problems

So, Helena Bonham Carter is a big complainer and thinks other people who complain should be hurt.

So, I need help.  At CVS, a black lady sorta was rumbling through some things and made my left boy sack feel for once like sorta pieced apart with an outline.  She acted like she could hurt me but no one else, like other people just keep going to cover, like they're hurting themselves for being mean but trying hard.  I don't believe in this.

Also, there's this boy at Orlando Ballet who looks kinda like how I pictured my son, but I am not sure if I'd really want my son to only be like that.  He was really short and seemed like a pimple but was really cute with golden brown fluffy straight smooth hair, you know, looked English.  He had the ballet so down and had so many parts, A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Used to Play Sports

So, when I started tennis at 11 with my brother, there was this place in the nation's oldest continuing city ... I'm from Florida myself and my mom is from Indonesia ... called Marsh Creek.  I thought we toured a landfill.  So, it was huge, a huge expanse, like a safari.  We like drove through like a highway to get there.  So, there was a little booth, there, too.  The courts were made of green sand, so when I moved I was really, really mad, though it was very athletic there, the area Ellen DeGeneres is from.  I lived in "Slidell," didn't remember thinking of it as a slide at all lately that I could remember until recently.  It's right across the bridge from New Orleans, actually.  The people at my school were adamant about Britney Spears, and people in my choir knew people who knew her and said she was such a sweet girl and that everyone was upset at "how she changed.."  She was considered really bad but not untalented..  I actually didn't watch her until I moved to Orlando.  She reminds me of Amanda Seyfried!  She sang in movie musicals and was just in a big 1 that is considered the most classical that exists, like an opera, haha kinda like The Phantom of the Opera.

So, anyway, I was busy but I managed to compete in tennis at the end more than once though only remember competing once, for some reason, but I think just the last 2 years, not sure how I did it those 2 years.  I didn't want to be on the team but taught some older kids to play and a girl from San Fransisco who was a lot bigger than me.  It helped her get in shape.  I think she made me seem a lot fatter.

So, about the tennis courts, then the white lines were made of metal with nails nailing it down on the sides.  I think.  So, you knew if you were out if you heard it.

So, anyway, Marsh Creek reminds me of the New Orleans Zoo or Lion Country Safari, teetering 2 areas I lived in Southeastern Florida.  I have pictures of me there and still have some from Katrina when I was in an experiment without being sure.  So, a marsh I think is the step above a swamp, you must have also learned in school, except I guess Florida has them, Northeastern Florida, the oldest continuing city in the U.S.  So, what it is is like water with really tall, green grass.

Woke Up

Listening to Enya

Dream

I was standing in line to package some things, and there were about 3 people working, 1 my old choir director and organ teacher.  Someone filed to the other person knowing I wanted the teacher.  At the last moment, I addressed it, which was to her, maybe did it ... well, there were like a thick sorta bunched up package, a box, and maybe a blank more medium-big thick, white, rather plain envelope.  I think the tape was over the home address.  So, she left, had to, something to do with dying.

Problem

So, when I was 1 I think I felt fat.  I was a good girl.  I just was shy and people found that annoying, which was mean and showed they were wrong.  There was nothing I could say because they didn't connect with me as being more white than they thought because my ancestry dating back years ago...

Then, when I was 2, for some reason, I was kinda dark and fatter, still.  I had started gymnastics, already, though, so I dunno.  I don't know what I looked like in between.  I don't remember.  I think I felt like crap.  I probably went haywire like an Asian American.  Ha ha ha...

So, then the gymnastics made me strong and people "liked" me..

My brother was born when I was 5.  I was still in gymnastics.  I looked fatter I know when my hair was cut, which maybe it was cut before.  I started ballet, and my head got big.  By the way, I could never remember any of it.  I moved and didn't like the easy school.  So, I looked okay for awhile.  I think my cousin, who would only have been 1, wrote to me and I forgot to write back and I think that made me not get a blog when the internet came out.  I felt like knocked out, maybe by my mom, not to write back, and my dad didn't intercede.  So, he can't get mad.  That's true.  So, I know I looked pretty when I was 7 and did baton at Christmas.  However, I don't think I have the picture but may though my mom didn't develop any of the pictures I asked her to develop!  So, then, I was baton leader of little kids mostly and I started to look kinda old.  I did more gymnastics and quit ballet, and then I looked worse.  I guess I looked better at some point in the easy ballet school, or a bit after.  It was probably 1 of the best Christmas experiences, when I was 7.

So, then, I was 9, and I grew my bangs out.  My hair got thicker, somehow.  We lived by the water, directly on it this time.  It was also a preserved city, the nation's oldest.

I got fatter when I was 12 when I found I was moving.  I'm not sure who caused it.  I think it was my piano teacher.  I'm not sure, she must have been suggestive at weird things that happened, really bad.  I just really suspect her.  My mom had us not walk as much, though we walked to my piano recital, I think.

I started ballet and stayed in it so I wouldn't get scoliosis again.  I also was in martial arts, which seemed to help my weight a lot, just once a week, with grappling.  I also did tennis lessons with my brother and at 1st my mom, too, used to do it with a friend, too.

So, I switched ballet schools and for some reason got more plump, also trying to become cuter.  My friend encouraged me.  It did teach me more classical, puppety ballet, but not like classical puppets..

16, I had a hard lecture reading history course in gifted because it was combined with advanced placement, which is for the advanced placement test for college credit, which isn't actually that popular.  I went to the mental hospital and gained weight even before.  I was losing weight a lot and was not bony but thin.

17 I moved schools and was really busy and got into music college.

I was kicked out of my major, probably for staying up until 5, and my grades were marked down.  So, I couldn't move schools and was at a prestigious college on a high scholarship for a specific study.  It also had ballet that performs, which I didn't perform my 1st year, for some reason.  Then, I went up north and something happened to my back and I started eating sweets.  I came home and my parents didn't let me eat baby food and formula because it had cost a lot.  I got fat.  So, I went and did ballet and didn't go to the gym and because of that I got even fatter, unless I didn't know it was because I got fat when I came home.  That kind of thing has happened before.  Also, the construction made it so I couldn't study, and there was no material the same on the test as in the reading, anyway.  Next semester, I heard noises in my ear that made me want to commit suicide.  I was crawling to get back in my major, and the stuck up people in New Orleans still were being racist because of Johnny Depp and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  It so happens the history course was during Pirates of the Caribbean.  I didn't see the ads at the movies I went to, which were the popular 1s.

So, I came home and I was so tired going out and had to stop going out and had some problems with my head from how my dad drove, though I think buses and taxis would drive like that and I wanted to be a movie actor or like you know do whatever I was supposed to otherwise to start to become 1 in the business.  Like I wanted to work at a restaurant in L.A. but assume that's overrated.  Anyway, it was really mean how my dad drove.  It might have helped, like injuries can help.  I know music and coming home and relaxing for once in my life made me sensitive to noise.  I did ballet for awhile.  I got thinner, but I wanted to get taller and I guess it was fun not to do it and it wasn't a great school, though it provided a sweat.  I forget what else I was gonna say, oh, yea, I wanted to sleep in.  So, we moved to a house since there was noise all the time more and more, like every 15 seconds, even a lot at night, if not that much.  I didn't think to wear earplugs but had a fan.  I stayed in my room a lot and ate what my parents got, but I didn't even go outside until my mom presented me with keys, guess it might have been too late.  Then, I went to the mental hospital, supposedly for punching my wall, going to a spa and trying to get blackheads out which ruined plugs that were happening in my forehead and then I thought in an experiment I was supposed to call a girl toddler the n word, also thought the spa lady hypnotized me to do it for not talking more about the internet.  I was telling her how I got blackheads.  I was on a lot of medicine for a long time and finally found a reason to quit.  It made me even fatter and weaker and kinda like nothing mattered, ever since the n word thing, when Tim Burton stopped pretending to post online to me.  Since then, a few complications have occurred.

So what I have to say about that is it would just be when I was 8 when I didn't write my cousin that I looked ugly and when I was 5 and started ballet.  It was because I did gymnastics, too, not sure "what" happened to the other girls.  I mean, it was like I knew what was wrong.  I didn't cheat and say oh I did nothing all my life so am free for ballet, you know?  Like not doing gymnastics is what makes you good at ballet.

I went to the mental hospital when I was 16 with that hard history course, too.  I was fat after that, affected from it.  Only a week.  Here I went a month.

Problem

I don't think my mom wants to be in glasses at her age.  I'm not sure what her problem is with Tim Burton.  Helena Bonham Carter has money so probably doesn't need them..  It was something to do I know with that he apparently did art and wanted to say that like everyone else has to do something that's like worse than him and then he depended on his swimming maybe to give him the artistic stamina.  Hm, I did that with singing in college, I know, and probably it enhanced my art.  I did gymnastics hand in hand as a kid.  I got glasses at 9, and I blame the kids at school.  Also, I suddenly had lots to copy from the board that year, so I blame that, too.  Too bad that was so far my favorite teacher.

Movie

Les Misérables

I went to the bathroom before and after.  During, I'm pretty sure I went 4 times.  I didn't miss most all of what I anticipated.

I liked how the little boy seemed so strong and seemed to exemplify the common desires of all.

I also liked how the chorus women developed.

I wonder if the women in it knew why they didn't sound like those German art songs, you know, kinda like a horn or the sorta fuzzy sound that I bet a lot of more European singers sound like, though more playful and seemingly not classical, more rebellious, though I believe now they are accepted.  I heard a lady like that from Russia, have it recorded from iTunes radio.  At least, I think she's Russian.

Old Music

So, when did like those space things come out?  I'm listening to A Clockwork Orange from 1972.

I like the 4th movement from "Pomp & Circumstance."

Now, I'm listening to Beethoven's 9th and I know everyone loves this.  I used to find it really different.  Now, it sounds kinda old and techy.

Ah, yes!!  3D  It's very marchy.  It sounds in perfect sync.  It's perfect music!  ;D

If you don't know about this movie, my dad told me about it when I was 7 or 6, I think, if not maybe even 5?  Probably 6.  It's about being tortured to music you love, like being changed.  It's supposed to be really big.  A lot of people in school started talking about it awhile after my dad told me, and it became overrated, tacky, and trashed, through the years, like everyone knew it.  Then, people talked about it like you were a nigger.

Wow, it's like a swing music.  Hm, must be modern German or classical German.  Did you know well that the Classical period ended with Beethoven, who started the Romantic period?  I know Back is Baroque and Mozart is Classical.

This is a bit different from all the modern English we've been getting. It seems different from the organ music I'm used to and like, though. I always thought it sounded retarded, like cut off, rhythmic, nice and simple to follow but well-orchestrated.

Wow, something just totally clicked. It reminds me of French, now.

Wow, I can totally elaborate on the same feeling.

I had a German foreign exchange student, and Germanic things were popular and there were foreign exchange students from that side of Europe, when I wa 16 and 17.  In college, the voice instructor was obsessed with German and lived there 20 years with her husband from Harvard, though their singing was plainstyle and annoying.  They seemed to really take to me though I'd been strict on.  I took a group voice class all year, the 2nd semester being Italian.  It was actually the official voice major class because I did Music Education, stated it upon entering.  Before wanted Composition and auditioned for Voice, too.

Also a big thing was to try to act German.  I guess in and out English has been woven in in experience, exposed, though, like I remember for instance seeing this attractive English girl at New Year's with a thick, sleek frame, not too tall, bleached smooth hair.  I saw a girl or more like this on TV lead people through a house, too.  I've seen other English people, like on Science videos and when my brother watches TV, people not that healthy.  Tim Burton and Johnny Depp lead the whole English French thing.  It seems Tim Burton can understand French.  Tim Burton did English.  All hail, Tim Burton!  3D

I know a lot of people were anti-English anti-everything German, but I was accepted as perfect for all cultures.  It's just something you can try to do.  I guess I was lacking some meat.

Hm, this music isn't too long in the main exciting part.  So, I'm not rocking through it all this time.  It's kinda in the background.