Happy New Year 2013!

My resolution is: to become healthier with money.

Lying Down

Probably will fall asleep.

Might turn off my computer.

Problem

So, when I was 1 I think I felt fat.  I was a good girl.  I just was shy and people found that annoying, which was mean and showed they were wrong.  There was nothing I could say because they didn't connect with me as being more white than they thought because my ancestry dating back years ago...

Then, when I was 2, for some reason, I was kinda dark and fatter, still.  I had started gymnastics, already, though, so I dunno.  I don't know what I looked like in between.  I don't remember.  I think I felt like crap.  I probably went haywire like an Asian American.  Ha ha ha...

So, then the gymnastics made me strong and people "liked" me..

My brother was born when I was 5.  I was still in gymnastics.  I looked fatter I know when my hair was cut, which maybe it was cut before.  I started ballet, and my head got big.  By the way, I could never remember any of it.  I moved and didn't like the easy school.  So, I looked okay for awhile.  I think my cousin, who would only have been 1, wrote to me and I forgot to write back and I think that made me not get a blog when the internet came out.  I felt like knocked out, maybe by my mom, not to write back, and my dad didn't intercede.  So, he can't get mad.  That's true.  So, I know I looked pretty when I was 7 and did baton at Christmas.  However, I don't think I have the picture but may though my mom didn't develop any of the pictures I asked her to develop!  So, then, I was baton leader of little kids mostly and I started to look kinda old.  I did more gymnastics and quit ballet, and then I looked worse.  I guess I looked better at some point in the easy ballet school, or a bit after.  It was probably 1 of the best Christmas experiences, when I was 7.

So, then, I was 9, and I grew my bangs out.  My hair got thicker, somehow.  We lived by the water, directly on it this time.  It was also a preserved city, the nation's oldest.

I got fatter when I was 12 when I found I was moving.  I'm not sure who caused it.  I think it was my piano teacher.  I'm not sure, she must have been suggestive at weird things that happened, really bad.  I just really suspect her.  My mom had us not walk as much, though we walked to my piano recital, I think.

I started ballet and stayed in it so I wouldn't get scoliosis again.  I also was in martial arts, which seemed to help my weight a lot, just once a week, with grappling.  I also did tennis lessons with my brother and at 1st my mom, too, used to do it with a friend, too.

So, I switched ballet schools and for some reason got more plump, also trying to become cuter.  My friend encouraged me.  It did teach me more classical, puppety ballet, but not like classical puppets..

16, I had a hard lecture reading history course in gifted because it was combined with advanced placement, which is for the advanced placement test for college credit, which isn't actually that popular.  I went to the mental hospital and gained weight even before.  I was losing weight a lot and was not bony but thin.

17 I moved schools and was really busy and got into music college.

I was kicked out of my major, probably for staying up until 5, and my grades were marked down.  So, I couldn't move schools and was at a prestigious college on a high scholarship for a specific study.  It also had ballet that performs, which I didn't perform my 1st year, for some reason.  Then, I went up north and something happened to my back and I started eating sweets.  I came home and my parents didn't let me eat baby food and formula because it had cost a lot.  I got fat.  So, I went and did ballet and didn't go to the gym and because of that I got even fatter, unless I didn't know it was because I got fat when I came home.  That kind of thing has happened before.  Also, the construction made it so I couldn't study, and there was no material the same on the test as in the reading, anyway.  Next semester, I heard noises in my ear that made me want to commit suicide.  I was crawling to get back in my major, and the stuck up people in New Orleans still were being racist because of Johnny Depp and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  It so happens the history course was during Pirates of the Caribbean.  I didn't see the ads at the movies I went to, which were the popular 1s.

So, I came home and I was so tired going out and had to stop going out and had some problems with my head from how my dad drove, though I think buses and taxis would drive like that and I wanted to be a movie actor or like you know do whatever I was supposed to otherwise to start to become 1 in the business.  Like I wanted to work at a restaurant in L.A. but assume that's overrated.  Anyway, it was really mean how my dad drove.  It might have helped, like injuries can help.  I know music and coming home and relaxing for once in my life made me sensitive to noise.  I did ballet for awhile.  I got thinner, but I wanted to get taller and I guess it was fun not to do it and it wasn't a great school, though it provided a sweat.  I forget what else I was gonna say, oh, yea, I wanted to sleep in.  So, we moved to a house since there was noise all the time more and more, like every 15 seconds, even a lot at night, if not that much.  I didn't think to wear earplugs but had a fan.  I stayed in my room a lot and ate what my parents got, but I didn't even go outside until my mom presented me with keys, guess it might have been too late.  Then, I went to the mental hospital, supposedly for punching my wall, going to a spa and trying to get blackheads out which ruined plugs that were happening in my forehead and then I thought in an experiment I was supposed to call a girl toddler the n word, also thought the spa lady hypnotized me to do it for not talking more about the internet.  I was telling her how I got blackheads.  I was on a lot of medicine for a long time and finally found a reason to quit.  It made me even fatter and weaker and kinda like nothing mattered, ever since the n word thing, when Tim Burton stopped pretending to post online to me.  Since then, a few complications have occurred.

So what I have to say about that is it would just be when I was 8 when I didn't write my cousin that I looked ugly and when I was 5 and started ballet.  It was because I did gymnastics, too, not sure "what" happened to the other girls.  I mean, it was like I knew what was wrong.  I didn't cheat and say oh I did nothing all my life so am free for ballet, you know?  Like not doing gymnastics is what makes you good at ballet.

I went to the mental hospital when I was 16 with that hard history course, too.  I was fat after that, affected from it.  Only a week.  Here I went a month.

Problem

I found that Ellen DeGeneres actually doesn't have the personality she thinks she has in her arsenal.  She is kinda mean to child prodigies and gets racist and lingers on it.  Also, she thinks she's important.

Problem

Tim Burton, you can't rub in to the world that Helena Bonham Carter is pretty and my mom is ugly.  Why don't you like leave me alone in that light?

Also, why do you think the world stops because of you?

Why are you so like backing away like every little thing will hurt you?

I thought you stood for something.  You didn't do shit.

Problem

I don't think my mom wants to be in glasses at her age.  I'm not sure what her problem is with Tim Burton.  Helena Bonham Carter has money so probably doesn't need them..  It was something to do I know with that he apparently did art and wanted to say that like everyone else has to do something that's like worse than him and then he depended on his swimming maybe to give him the artistic stamina.  Hm, I did that with singing in college, I know, and probably it enhanced my art.  I did gymnastics hand in hand as a kid.  I got glasses at 9, and I blame the kids at school.  Also, I suddenly had lots to copy from the board that year, so I blame that, too.  Too bad that was so far my favorite teacher.

Problem

Why does Tim Burton protect Nell racially against Eurasians who look white?  Hm, maybe he doesn't.

Problem

Tim Burton probably would really not be serious that my mom has glasses and think she was bound to.  However, most people wouldn't agree.

I just realized that it was like my mom didn't have fun in this country, and people who read it will say I'm spewing negro.  That's what's not right.  Kids have been doing that since Johnny Depp.  I mean, she sees my dad, all the time.  The woman doesn't necessarily work.  What is it with my dad and money?  I mean, we're not the poorest.  Are we really that poor?  My dad acts like my mom doesn't provide him with food, but he also complains he's too fat and doesn't want to eat and doesn't work out on his own.  They actually rubbed in a lot that I didn't want him to.  They thought maybe I liked him to give me attention.  Why do you go off into bullshit thinking that's okay!  D:'  I MEAN OKAY THAT THEY THINK THAT!!!  WHAT ARE YOU A PIECE OF SHIT.

Problem

So, why would I follow like 100 IMDb accounts that are supposedly Tim Burton and then he stops and people are mean to me.

Then, something else I don't remember.

It seems like the highlight of my life is my Blogger background.  It might not be the best background for the public, but it's a clever theme that follows popular trends.  I personally enjoy it.

Oh yes, why make fun of someone for being accurate?

Doing Chores

I actually did the dishes, last night, and even put them in the dishwasher.  I am too tired to finish the laundry this evening.

About Bedtime

My dad was up like until past 11 or 12 on the night of I think Saturday.  He went to bed around 9 or something or between then and 9:30 P.M. on Friday.  My mom and brother went on vacation for maybe around a week.

Edit

I changed my Twitter link to this new blog.  3)

Edited Video Rankings

I changed the *** on "Drink With Me" and "I Dreamed a Dream" and maybe others to 1 *.  I am tempted to take them down.

Ate

Earlier

Rest of Grandma's Christmas Candy - a Peanut Butter Fudge (No Chocolate This Time) and Marshmallow Things
2 French Bread Pizzas
A Few Leftover Baby Rounded Carrots and Dill Dip
1 Bun Length Oscar Meyer Wiener on Wheat Bread With Heinz Ketchup
Giant Reese's

Problem

So, saying that you are not very accomplished but are like loaded with meat because of where you're from, doesn't that make you a bad person?  I mean, isn't it your responsibility to be able to either make yourself happy or treat others with respect, like those who are by themselves in a corner or living their life?

Movie

I had a pretzel, which was big, and an orange juice.

Before, I got a sandwich at a healthy restaurant and a smoothie there, which was pretty plain, watery|icy.

Movie

Les Misérables

I went to the bathroom before and after.  During, I'm pretty sure I went 4 times.  I didn't miss most all of what I anticipated.

I liked how the little boy seemed so strong and seemed to exemplify the common desires of all.

I also liked how the chorus women developed.

I wonder if the women in it knew why they didn't sound like those German art songs, you know, kinda like a horn or the sorta fuzzy sound that I bet a lot of more European singers sound like, though more playful and seemingly not classical, more rebellious, though I believe now they are accepted.  I heard a lady like that from Russia, have it recorded from iTunes radio.  At least, I think she's Russian.

Something Funny

If I was going from my American side, why would I think that I had inhibited myself to be European like thinking oh but I have heritage from out-of-the-U.S. anyway?

Old Music

So, when did like those space things come out?  I'm listening to A Clockwork Orange from 1972.

I like the 4th movement from "Pomp & Circumstance."

Now, I'm listening to Beethoven's 9th and I know everyone loves this.  I used to find it really different.  Now, it sounds kinda old and techy.

Ah, yes!!  3D  It's very marchy.  It sounds in perfect sync.  It's perfect music!  ;D

If you don't know about this movie, my dad told me about it when I was 7 or 6, I think, if not maybe even 5?  Probably 6.  It's about being tortured to music you love, like being changed.  It's supposed to be really big.  A lot of people in school started talking about it awhile after my dad told me, and it became overrated, tacky, and trashed, through the years, like everyone knew it.  Then, people talked about it like you were a nigger.

Wow, it's like a swing music.  Hm, must be modern German or classical German.  Did you know well that the Classical period ended with Beethoven, who started the Romantic period?  I know Back is Baroque and Mozart is Classical.

This is a bit different from all the modern English we've been getting. It seems different from the organ music I'm used to and like, though. I always thought it sounded retarded, like cut off, rhythmic, nice and simple to follow but well-orchestrated.

Wow, something just totally clicked. It reminds me of French, now.

Wow, I can totally elaborate on the same feeling.

I had a German foreign exchange student, and Germanic things were popular and there were foreign exchange students from that side of Europe, when I wa 16 and 17.  In college, the voice instructor was obsessed with German and lived there 20 years with her husband from Harvard, though their singing was plainstyle and annoying.  They seemed to really take to me though I'd been strict on.  I took a group voice class all year, the 2nd semester being Italian.  It was actually the official voice major class because I did Music Education, stated it upon entering.  Before wanted Composition and auditioned for Voice, too.

Also a big thing was to try to act German.  I guess in and out English has been woven in in experience, exposed, though, like I remember for instance seeing this attractive English girl at New Year's with a thick, sleek frame, not too tall, bleached smooth hair.  I saw a girl or more like this on TV lead people through a house, too.  I've seen other English people, like on Science videos and when my brother watches TV, people not that healthy.  Tim Burton and Johnny Depp lead the whole English French thing.  It seems Tim Burton can understand French.  Tim Burton did English.  All hail, Tim Burton!  3D

I know a lot of people were anti-English anti-everything German, but I was accepted as perfect for all cultures.  It's just something you can try to do.  I guess I was lacking some meat.

Hm, this music isn't too long in the main exciting part.  So, I'm not rocking through it all this time.  It's kinda in the background.

Problem

So, you think I get mad because I think people will make fun of me for being nice?  No, that's why I don't take it back and why I'm afraid to say I'm just taking out my anger safely and utilizing my blog.  If I had to say who it was to, probably I wouldn't.  I'd go and do something else, instead.  I mean, yea, I was mad, and yea it seemed like something that came up.

New Video

It didn't work, last night.  Too bad the profile image is funny, off:

YouTube.

Problem

So, I wonder if I wasn't taken out of my major if I could have been smart enough to eventually, thinking of quitting the music major and possibly going into 1 simple program plus maybe a required minor ... if I'd consider ever coming home and blogging, seeing as I'm not really getting anywhere financially.  Also, would I get on Blogger?  Would I get a program and figure out how to make nice backgrounds?  How would I become as good as who I am today?

Problem

I'm so annoyed with this annoying little noises in my room.  I feel as though I'll forget out to communicate like with nuances because I don't like it.

Problem

I can't find a post I made.  I can't find when I was having my female thing.  I think it was over a week ago, was pretty light.  What do you think happened?  Do you think blog posts like that disappear?  I even searched through pages.  I remember it was as I was leaving.  I found it.  It was 10 days ago, a few blogs back.  It was also a few days after it had begun.  So, that's like 2 weeks of leakage.  What's so good about that medicine, now?  Also, I got it early.  Maybe the good food.

Problem

Also, I realized I was irritated from little bugbite wounds all over my legs and at least 2 on my arm.  I asked my dad to leave out some cream.  They're really itching more acutely for a longer period of time.  I know it made me feel different going out.

This never happened.  I was really upset about maybe getting upset out people being mean atutely and curse words flipping the pinnacle of my thoughts, which may be funny, though I don't think that was the best choice of reaction into which to flow, yes I find it degrading people who have to behave that way..  So what never happened ... also about getting mad yesterday and those 2 violent things I thought because I'm in habit of not directing my anger at any 1 person but have found it to be unexplained if you're supposed to do this, get out as much anger as possible without physically nor pointedly hurting anyone.  So, what happened was I was feeling bad and tired and I stimulated myself a little.  I dunno, maybe I had been stimulated.  So, I went to the bathroom and am still on my female thing, which I lost for over a year from the psyc medicine, and actually it more than doubled, which is pretty light, was rather gooey in feel and seemed kinda like liquidy|juicy.

Problem

I just woke up and was insulted.  I was tapped into like a piece of shit.  None of it was a fact, it was just a bunch of elaborated wishes.  I told you to stop.

Why can't we get Ellen DeGeneres or whoever's impersonating her?  Why is she appealing to bad people and invading my blog?  I mean, I can blog whatever I want.

So, I woke up and heard 2 noises by my clock and my left I like doubled over in some force.  It's very uncomfortable.  Hey, now they're gonna linger on the idea that I'm weak.

Stop bothering me.  Hey, listen.  I'm right.  You're bothering me.

What happened to my left eye?

Also, I know I was tired and up for a long time and though ate healthily am full.

I did have to go to the bathroom.

Are you just sitting there stooping to the results of your own actions?  Can you just quit it?  I don't care what Ellen DeGeneres thinks about each time I feel upset and hurting me for it.

I feel sick.  D3

Need to Lie Down

Probably fall asleep.  3(  Upset.  May get up.

So yea really sorry about the association.  Not sure why it came up, but it did.  The magnitude was bad.  It just seems kinda like I didn't know what to do, and it really wasn't supposed to be directed at a person.  Hope we can figure out like if these problems will just keep coming.

Problem

So, where are these messages coming from, now?  What about my need to let out my anger not at one particular person on my blog?  What now?  Do I need to be danger aware?  M.  So, what, do I have to be careful around people's eyes?  I've been clumsy, lately, since Les Misérables.

My Problem

So, I lost my female thing from the psyc meds, and now it's coming back long and super duper light right now.  So, that means my mood must be really poor quality.

I also got kinda hurt for doing something that upset Aunt 1, just because, when "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" stopped, like I found what ticked.  Now, I don't want to deal with this and like have it not matter.  If it keeps going so be it, it still happened and it still is an issue.  I can't really know if I can brush it aside.  I mean, why should I stay up and type about stuff like this?  I mean, I thought this was like something you didn't like.  Why would I say stuff like that?  I mean, I see, it fits, and I didn't mean it in a literal way, but I know you don't like it, at all, but secretly find it like pretend.  I don't even know why I said it but have a feeling I had a reason to  Maybe it's because it wasn't really to 1 person and it came up and I don't know why.

Problem

So, what's wrong, now?  Hm, I smell danger.  So, why are you getting me mad?  You want me to just like want to hurt you?  Stop saying I'm a nigger for not wanting to hurt you, like I'm trying to be nice and didn't admit something.

Problem

Stop telling me I have to do everything you do because I'm better than you in so many ways and maybe more ways than you.

Stop telling me I did all this junk I didn't even do.  I know you're wrong.  Stop bothering me all day.

Problem

Stop keeping adding something bad.

I'M GONNA *BEEP* YOU.  DID YOU JUST BRING UP MY DAD AND ME DOING SOMETHING I LIKE BEING NOT OKAY BECAUSE I LIKE IT?

Problem

GET ELLEN DEGENERES TO STOP THESE MESSAGES IN PRIVATE BECAUSE OF THE N WORD THING AND OTHER LITTLE THINGS.

STOP!  I DON'T WANT TO BE STUPID.  I'm not going to live in a world of bullshit.  Stop saying the world is really bad and my fantasies are false.  SOMEONE GET HER.  SHE'S LYING.

Hey stop loading the page funny all the time.  Stop taking out your anger you piece of shit.

Problem

So why did you make me feel like I don't want kids?  Answer.  Maybe, I should like figure you're just stupid.

Problem

Hey, stop!  SHUT UP.  My right girl sack.  You're nothing, absolutely nothing.  Why should I not care about that?  Come up with a real reason.  Something that's not like because you're in trouble or because actually I do favor other people over you and if you have kids hm something I don't want to know.

Problem

Hey, why did Ellen DeGeneres bother me with noises in my room and the way things load for ½ year?  What about this boy I met?  What, did you "find him, too?"

Problem

I SAID STOP.  IS THIS ANOTHER "MESSAGE FROM ELLEN?"  JUST SHUT UP.  You don't deserve her to approve of you.  Stop saying I can't like her.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres is a *beep* because she thinks I should die someday anyway.  She also thinks I really mean what I say to certain people.  SHUT UP.  STOP.  I SAID STOP.  LEAVE ME ALONE.  I heard an annoying noise.  Hm, you want me to just say I hope that she doesn't give me any attention, but you think you posted something for her to relate to or are nice to keep to not directing it toward the likings of her..  Stop, I'm not dealing with your making fun of what I say for no apparent reason you will not explain.

Problem

Why is Ellen DeGeneres bringing up things and then like not caring that she was wrong?  She keeps doing this.  I'm getting these messages in private, afterthoughts.  She's just a wild hose from the New Orleans area.

Look, I told you to stop.  Go c** yourself in the f***, you piece of crap.

Problem

GO AWAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

You're just being a nigger and treating me like a nigger.  You're a piece of shit you can't hold in your shit.  You're just a piece of shit.  Go b*** your b**** and ***.

And leave me alone for "what came up."

WHO GAVE MY MOM GLASSES?  What's so cool about it?  It looks suspicious to me.  I don't have to be hurt by my dad.  He was threatened to be arrested, and I'm trying to have a successful relationship but am getting that Ellen DeGeneres is antsy.  I am not sure of the truth in her actually doing it just like this.

Problem

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.  YOU'RE SUCH A NIGGER.  STOP PICKING ON ME FOR SAYING THAT.  YOU'RE ALL JUST CRAP.  YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE.  WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT YOU?  YOU'RE JUST A PIECE OF CRAP.  YOU WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.  YOU'RE JUST A SPITEFUL NIGGER.

Someone stop them, they're gonna hurt me.  They just annoyed me.  They keep picking on me for when I get mad at something important and then ruin it.  This is gonna bother me.  This wasn't supposed to happen, neither.  Who cares "what" Ellen DeGeneres thinks of this?  WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?  COME ON, ANSWER DUMMY...

Problem

SHUT UP ABOUT THE N WORD THING.

I'm trying to watch Ellen DeGeneres.

Problem

Just stop.  Ellen DeGeneres needs to stop getting things out when something doesn't go her way.

Problem

I'm sick of the image of Ellen DeGeneres as a nigger.

Problem

I told you to stop.

You're making up weird fantasies about people related to people I care about.

I don't care what you say.  Stop acting like a piece of shit to my dad sucked up to him.

Problem

I think Ellen DeGeneres is trying to ruin my brain so I can't do certain things but doesn't want to say anything.  Stop slobbering all over my blog and getting in my private life, you *beep* devil.

Problem

STOP GETTING MAD AT PEOPLE LIKE ELLEN DEGENERES AS BAIT FOR ME BECAUSE SHE'S MEAN TO ME AND BETTER THAN YOU.

Problem

No one cares about Ellen DeGeneres having a mom with a Jewish last name.  I mean, like, she shouldn't be treated well for her antics at being special in the way she is, which is in private her sending messages via wire that she can only be annoying.

Problem

SINCE WHEN DID ELLEN DEGENERES SAY THAT SOME FANTASY IS A DIM REALITY?

Problem

Stop hurting me after I post online.  I can make a point.  I didn't do anything wrong.  Look, prove it.  I SAID STOP.  TALK.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres keeps saying stuff that's not right and seems to be happy like before she's hurting me in private.  Hey, stop.  You're wrong.  I'd h*** you.  You have a problem with being nice to people.

Problem

STOP GETTING MAD AT ME FOR CURSING AND STOP SAYING I'M A NIGGER AND SUGGESTING MY KIDS WILL BE.  What are you a freak?  You are just like everyone else.  What did you send me now, wasting your time?  You're so mean.  I do want to talk to people, and I don't think other people are better than you.

I got a message from Ellen DeGeneres.  STOP.  Just because someone insulted you you're playing cool and insulting other people.  Why don't you accept it?

HEY LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T WANT TO RUIN MY RELATIONSHIP TO HER.  GO TEACH YOURSELF A LESSON.  LISTEN.  I'M NOT WASTING MY TIME ON YOU.  Ooh, so, that means you won't talk to me, because you're ruining the other people I know.  What do you think I sound like now?  Stop it you annoying people.  You also sound like Chloë Grace Moretz.  Stop.  Leave me alone.  I'm not doing anything wrong.  You did it.  Some stranger didn't do it.  Hey, quit it, stop saying I'm mimicking people.  You're wrong.

Hey, now, I'm getting annoying noises invading me.  Look, I don't care about you.  I told you to leave me alone.  You're wasting my time.  Stop saying stuff that's not true.  Like that it's cool to make up mean stuff.

Problem

I guess we'll stop feeding Ellen DeGeneres.  She's from the New Orleans area and went crazy moving to L.A. like everyone from there.  Why can't she just stop sending these messages?  Or whatever whoever is doing it.  It's a part of culture, and everyone knows now she's just like getting mad at all this stuff and is uncomfortable and making other people hurt me, like I know in my room alone.  Also, it's throughout the day.  Sometimes, it seems like most of my day online.  It happened for ½ year.  LOOK I'M RIGHT.  I guess she doesn't care about people like me.  I thought maybe she wouldn't but that she'd warm up to me.  I mean, do you really like her?

Problem

STOP.  You're hurting me.  Stop barking at me.  I SAID STOP.  YOU MAKE NO SENSE.  I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU.  I don't feel guilty.  What now?  Why do you think I'll believe this?  I don't want to do this.  What's your problem?  I don't believe you.  No one does.  I TOLD YOU TO STOP.  Stop saying it's my fault.  You should be unaffected.  See, I figured it out.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres doesn't realize that being bad also will get her in trouble and not keep her safe.  LOOK STOP THREATENING TO HURT PEOPLE.  Let's make sure it's not a precaution in the world.  Let's see if we can ease out of it.  Why not work on it?  I don't believe in not working on fixing it.