Ate

2 French Bread Pizzas
Beef
Italian Mixed Veggies, Leaves, My Dad Got
Giant Reese's Cup
Cold Water

No vitamins today.  3(

I want a shower but am too tired.  I fell asleep thinking about school and didn't see Les Misérables but am tired, again, so soon, even before I went to eat the rest of the food.

Reading ... and Writing

I guess that I was a good reader.  My mom said I talked a lot.

So, I did gymnastics, ballet, and baton at 7.

Er, 8, I did more gymnastics and baton.  I read the whole thing of the Zoo Books magazines, maybe around 7 of them.

Then, I got the boxed set of the Little House books and read them more than once at 9.  I would linger on the text.  I also was reading American Girls, which were short booklets.  I think that's when people drew from me reading a lot.  However, when I was 7 and 8, we got books read to us, a lot.  When I was 8, it turned out people were already reading novels, however.

We moved when I was 12, and I read The Secret Garden, A Little Princess, a fantasy about a unicorn, and the books for the reading program at school.  I did the homework.

I read some books that became movies, 1 being Harry Potter.  I read The Phantom of the Opera.  I'm not sure what I spent my free time doing.  I know I was either on vacation, working|schooling, or doing something in the arts, each summer.

I read The Tale of Despereux, my 1st year of college, got it from a book fair order through my brother.  I didn't even watch the movie but posted on Facebook.  I hadn't been going out.

I did read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the sequel, as well as Alice in Wonderland for the 3rd or 4th time.  I read it all in 1 morning and afternoon.  I also read the 2nd book, maybe the next day, unsure.  I read through a book on the illustrator of Alice in Wonderland, and the word, "fastidious," came up more than once.

Reading online posts on IMDb and when I was elsewhere was a task.  The posts online just keep coming, and people expect them to be answered.  I wrote so much, people didn't pay attention to me, and I went and got a blog and just posted, apparently, about what I was doing, my problems, like with technology, about eating, stuff like that that goes on and on like a book..

I also spent a lot of time reading these 2 booklets with illustrations on personality types, the 2 major sorters.  I got some guides on specific types on my Nook and read through what I was interested in, which wasn't much.  That's when I was 12, too, maybe until I was 15.  They were really boring, but I'm pretty good at sorting and could sort out like something about dominant and secondary functions.  I think you sort all 4 letters.  I also read through what I was interested in in a longer text book of the major personality sorting type.
link
link
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There was another popular 1 I can't find now about your dog or cat personality, came out in 1997 I think.  I read it and realized it was colored, racist people.  I got it in the past recent years.

So, I started reading, I think, Twilight, and I realized it was for kids.  I got another magical book that I found was from years ago.  So, I stopped.

Now, I'm trying to get back blogging skills and see if I can get as smart as I was when I was a tween.

I know there are young children's authors out there, but I didn't think those books were for me.  I wanted to read about true ghost stories, might get that.  I don't know about writing for skill.  That's something like poetry.  I dunno, maybe online articles are of some value.  Remember essays?  Maybe long psychology essays, mainly on like modern young people, like when MySpace was coming out, you know?  It doesn't sound like people want to make people happy and talk about it.  They just smile sarcastically and go on to something else.  It's something they do a lot.  They have that funny aura..

I had also been getting People on my Nook, and it's easy to go through and read.  It's mostly ads.  It's every week for $10 a month, I think.

I just said good-night.

My dad is going to bed.  =|  We didn't see Les Misérables.

Problem

Did you ever consider that people like Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp get everything as a tossup, but people who are not famous get told everything is going to "lit 'r' all y" hurt them?

Needs

I can't wait until the beginning of the month.  My room smells.  I smell.  My bathroom is full.

I need a bigger laundry hamper and wish I could fit maybe a big 1 for 2 things in my bathroom.

I want a big trash can by my  desk so I don't have to go by my door.

Hm, oh yes, an air purifier.  I used to have a more expensive 1, and I guess my room was pretty clean.  I have to throw a lot of stuff away tonight, hopefully the trash bags available.

My dad was supposed to get me a loud fan at the store, if not online.  There weren't any at Sears.

I did want to see if I want all the striped sweaters at Wal-Mart, like as a Christmas present.  I'll have to wait until I recover from the walking.

Also, there's a fly around my screen, but it's not bothering me too much.

Also, I need a chordless mouse.

Older Moms

Wow, I need to organize my questions.

So, I did everything you do with an older mom, but I didn't like grunt out the aches and pains, like it was a big display.  How is this inappropriate?  I guess if you're not white|all that European.

Problem

I think my dad is furious about what he found out about his son.  {E

Problem

I'm worried that supposedly other girls with older moms don't have moms my age and like that's my favorite style, so do I deserve it because their moms aren't that age?  They seemed to promise me they were okay because they were white and "I wasn't."  I never grew up pompous about it.  It was something to be ashamed of.  I guess people don't like to think about that fact.  I guess if you were white and had a sexy mom it would mean something.  She's very much of her generation, but my dad isn't.  So, I didn't actually turn on.

Problem

I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres is more scared of me than Tim Burton because she's a girl and my dad is so much older.  I can't really stop thinking around women younger than my dad.  I want to know about the girls with younger dads.  I know I have this 1 friend with parents younger than my dad around the same age.  I have another friend who's younger with parents the same age much older.  The other friend is a little older, born in early February.  My parents made it sound like I was supposed to be born in like December or January, maybe even early October like my grandma.  But, no, I wasn't born that early.  I wonder if they expected me to be born in March and be called Monica.  My dad's youngest sister is born in April, so.  My little brother and little girl cousin, the little girl cousin being my dad's youngest sisters's daughter, was born in November, and so was my dad's oldest of the sisters, who is younger.  Did you notice what I say sounds rebellious to you with what you think my impetus must be though it's just a fact though I'm really being like extra adamant in a good way that's more than expected, by the GI Generation or the people born before 1950, when my dad is born, in late July?

Problem

What do you think of my mom's apparent recurring issue of me latching on to other women and girls being more European but like being shitty?  I guess they weren't enough.

Got Mad

So, I was thinking wow like meeting Tim Burton it's like over for my mom.  I finally reach some way I wish I was but not exactly, like I was going through a change, filling out a different extreme.  I just wanted the European features in my background.  No one encouraged this.  So, I lost my personality at 11, maybe by earlier 1998.  I typed 2008, at 1st.  It's funny that's when computers came out.  I think it was also when I found I was moving to the New Orleans area.  That's kinda sick, supposedly someone gave me my personality.  Apparently, I just took from what others liked to do around me.  I mean, I found that quitting gymnastics I was able to be less like unfeeling-looking, though I'm sure the gymnastics is what gave me my strength.  I guess my mom seems to want me to not be attractive so I'll be accepted as modest, but no one believes that, at all, and even seem to expect more effort from me.  Also, my dad seems to have used to say he denied he'd hurt me for it, but I find this fact to be untrue.  They're lying to me and making me believe weird things, like my life became an experiment and that's actually why we moved or maybe why the whole bank of Florida closed.  If that's why, I mean what does that mean, so what?  Also, my brother wasn't as cool and my parents were like no comment.  For some reason, people started to make fun of him.  I know he took a picture of me where only like some more than ½ of me was showing.  I mean, I guess that's okay, but then he acted like he was sad for me that we weren't moving to the city.  I think my parents were just overbearing of that, like I was bad to want to have fun, like I had an attitude that would affect others.  Also, you're not supposed to make me uncomfortable with my dad because your dad ... "happens to be" Tim Burton.  OH MY GOD!  ^0^  Can you believe that?  And, tell me, who's your mom, your supposed blood mom???

Dream

I don't remember all of it, but it was very emotional.  I was lying like in a hotel bed.  I had the feeling of being carried that I was imagining or having happen to me.  It felt like Ellen DeGeneres was looming over me in the distance.  It was like by the cooling device.  I had sorta the feeling I was where I was, in my bed for real..  So, then I had the feeling my middle finger was going up, didn't realize it was my middle finger.  I put my other finger or fingers over it from my other hand, and it kinda worked but didn't and the middle finger and kinda the other fingers, maybe especially my ring finger, went up again, with a very weighted pressure that was kinda fuzzy, kinda like "pins and needles."  I think it really was.  Then, I felt like that my other arm was doing it or something.  That was awhile.  I found I was lying on my side.  So, that side was magically feeling the same pressure going up.  It was scary, though, because I didn't know what was going on.  Oh, yes, I kinda woke up just to see to make sure I could tell people later that I pretty much "saw it happen."  For some reason, it was so hard to open my eyes.  I thought I saw but didn't so much and closed my eyes again.  I think then, kinda expectedly, I felt my whole body, like I felt when I went to the Cleveland area during the hurricane, like with all that pressure as though it had all gone up like my finger. I wasn't really believing that.  I don't think that actually happened.  It was so scary, though, what happened to my finger.  So, then, I imagined like I guess some things happened, I went around the hotel maybe.  I was on my bed and I eventually faced my pillow if not right away and I was feeling myself stimulated with where my eyes were focused or pointing.  I think there was the though oh no her eyes are gonna cross.  Well, it was more fuzzy and somewhat light but someone intense, like I felt before.  Oh yes, I was feeling before, I guess in my sleep, realizing I met Ellen DeGeneres, like I met Tim Burton, thinking of where I used to live.  Maybe, living in the New Orleans area wore off and I was excited to see her.  I don't really know how I recovered.  I mean what I felt like moving there, but I mean I do have memories there.  I didn't really feel like I was in Florida.  So, I felt like kinda with the going up in the air like I was sorta like some idea of like relief.  I think before I was wondering about it.  I don't believe that's what happened at the start, and obviously in time I didn't actually feel kinda like I went up in the air, then.  I also had the feeling though that I really was moving funnily in my sleep, my side floating up kinda and that the look was really scary.  I am pretty sure that happened to my finger because I woke up I thought and put it down and probably was more asleep when I thought my side was floating.  It felt just like it did when I was awake 5 years ago, just realized it's been 5 years, except then it wasn't a pins and needles feeling.  I guess it made me feel kinda like magic, like I solved life.  No one's ever told me this happened to them.  I thought something bad would happen, but it was like I'd go to Heaven.

What I've been doing is lying in my bed trying to feel like people are stimulating me, and I sorta wake up and worry about things like how I left the dog outside and went to lie in bed.  I guess that ruined my evening, but it's something no one would care about if I let the dog in, you know?  That might be scary.  I wasn't too tired.  I was worried about if I'd wait for a minute and let him back out or about putting the waterbowl out.  I know that the dog likes it when it's cold.  That's why I let him out, also so I'd be alone..

I guess it disturbs me that someone could have seen me through the experiment.  Before, the experiment stopped.  1st, it was supposedly through the college.  Then, I'd been in the experiment, not as a communication tool.  I guess I just simply imagined what was happening.  Then, it stopped, and I'd experienced what felt and was like getting other worldly sounds sensed and sorta heard in an other-worldly way that were all interesting and like words mostly, like weird, really good cartoons but not like Disney as in Mickey Mouse.., so then I came home and thought that the world still was another world.  I was only here for the end of the fall and the winter.  Like, people represented certain stories of other characters.  It was more organized and themed, though, not something I could remember like a story and I've posted about it, in the past, I think on a blog or more than 1 blog.  So, then, it finally stopped, after I went back to school and felt tortured.  I think before coming home, for some reason, it still seemed magic, but the magic died and so did the noises.  I didn't hear anything here.  Well, I did recently, 1 noise, and I blogged it.  It was when The Hobbit came out.  Les Misérables just came out for Christmas, and today is Friday and I was gonna go see it.  Instead, I stayed home, tired from my walks.  I wanna walk again because I ran out of pizza.  Anyway, so, then, the experiment stopped and I had gotten in trouble for doing bad in school it felt, though I was a good student and I was tired.  I was expecting from the experiment to a high degree like endless pleasure and things I wanted organized.  No one would communicate to me anything.  I was always given the cold shoulder.  I thought the people in public were mostly or sometimes all a part of the experiment, and it was fun to think that though I didn't like it for a lot of reasons.  I couldn't interact with anyone.  So, the experiment stopped, I thought, and I never was sure it was real.  Then, I thought I was sure when I thought I was posting to Tim Burton.  I guess I found out that they were watching me, or they were at least communicating.  I kinda liked it, but I kinda would have preferred to see Tim Burton through the years.  Why wasn't he like he was in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?  I don't know, but I know I wasn't online, then.  So, then that kinda stopped, the thinking he was posting online.  So, what I'm saying is that people know if this really happened or not, I mean the moving of my dream.

Loyola

So, my friends in Northeastern Florida, in the nation's oldest continuing city, but who didn't really participate in the culture.., got invites to that prestigious school, though I didn't and moved there at 12 and couldn't get good letters of recommendation for honors and like fought my way in, got the books early, and didn't read them, whereas other kids read them in high school.  So, these friends goofed off and for some reason had to stop talking to me.  I know when junior high started, this happened.

LSU

So, people from New Orleans go to LSU.  I wanted to go up north, but I found New Orleans had a good Catholic school with a top music school.

Stuck Up

Why are people from Georgia, South Carolina ... [E ... Alabama, and kinda sometimes some people in or people from Mississippi ... like people from Metarie ... so stuck up?  Same with Texas, but it's more like people from Florida.  :D

Good Things Bringing Pleasure

Did you ever realize that someone else bad just wants the good things to bring them pleasure, as well?  Instead, they've been preaching that good things are supposed to make you feel tortured and magically, though you don't deserve this, your wishes will work out for you and there's something in the world for you to do to stay alive.

Stereotyping

Why don't people today want to listen to reason, like when something comes up discuss it?  They think like things have to happen the way before, like the sorta tormenting yourself, like the way it was so brilliantly accepted to be solved suddenly is imperfect, when that wasn't even enough.  It's like meeting an overly stereotyped person, you know?..

Being Like Others

Why are you making me go back and not use the influence of close friendships I built, acquaintances I've had successfully, etc.?  I will not do that.  I'm not locked in a box and never wanted to be like my parents.  In some ways, I liked my parents.  I guess if you like someone in some way, you'd want to find some way you like being like them.

Bad News

What do you think of meeting someone like Tim Burton and then finding that all the things that were right are like sorta something you owe?

Child Celebs

So, I guess you just like people from Europe, young people, and child celebs.  Something for me is suggested that wasn't suggested before.

Places ... Faces

These people, these faces... maybe a quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

So, Wisconsin is pushy.  Other states are trying to make it and think that the Northeast, like NYC, is delicate or specific or exciting and fast-paced.  There are probably strong people there, but I dunno any.

Thinking Others Are Niggers

Tim Burton in his heart says Ellen DeGeneres is a nigger.  He doesn't care.  That's the point.  He doesn't feel like caring about this idea that came up, like a sudden jolt or explosion.

Important People Judging Kids

So, I see kids, sometimes, often, look in a bad way like older people and their parents are strict on everyone about this, even innocent people, which is wrong and unimpressive and will be silenced.  So, supposedly I would be responsible ... people would judge me for not looking perfect and not want to realize what's going on and get upset and be racist.  It's pretty extreme.  So, ugly kids important people feel sorry for.  Like Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres.

Copying Others

So, you see my little brother and my cousin do something really tacky, and then it gets psyched into my message to the world?

The Deep South..

It seems we make white people comfortable but think like being innovative is only for people from the Deep South.

Also, what did I do wrong in the South as a white person?

Facebook

I added a description to my new cover photo: link.

Facebook Post

Facebook

Letting Someone Younger Do Something Else

Did you ever find if someone expects you to do something, they'll let someone younger do something else?

New Facebook Cover

Facebook

Being Good at Something

What do you think of people who expect you to do something and then get mad you're good at it?

Twitter

I'm on IMDb.

IMDb

I'm not like on constantly and may do other things.  I feel kinda like emptied from walking and jogging.

Turbo! 3D

Look at this cool IMDb ad!: Link.

I have the most amazing story to tell.

Though my mood is still rather unstable, I was in the tub and was able to feel stimulated at points, as I usually do, but more "on target," so-to-speak.  It felt like in the New Orleans area and summer 2005 when my life had become like an experiment and then supposedly had been, like my whole life and then I had a different mom etc.  So, yea, then I got in bed and that's when I felt like that.  You know, you think of something and then you kinda feel it but you don't feel like that's really you and you're mad it's not you but at the same time don't want to do it.  So, I was in bed and felt all these feelings kinda of "being stimulated."  I was amazed at feeling like I was a kid with sorta medium-large crinkled curls and then like I was a tween or teen or preteen.  Finally, I imagined I was born around 1960 and went through different dimensions but in the end, thinking about being white, just sorta felt "responsible," like responsible for others.  I even didn't mind if my "dad did it."  I think he threw me 1 for safekeeping, while my mom and brother are gone.  Well, I just heard him, yesterday.  Oh, and, for some reason, I've been stimulating myself but feeling it more smoother, at least not that sorta perverted feeling like I'm being tortured and can't control it, which really cuts through and addicts you and makes you just want.

Something Cool

I watched a teacher and fair, pretty black student from the arts school in New Orleans on YouTube..

Ate

2 Packs of Crackers When I Woke Up
Hot Dog on Wheat With Hienz Ketchup
New! Chef Boyardee Canned Macaroni and Cheese
Frozen Hamburger on Thin Rye With Hienz Ketchup
About 7 Asparagus's
Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Frosting I Made and the Rest of the Breyer's Chocolate Ice Cream
Cold Water

I didn't take my vitamins this morning.  Also, My right ear with the new pimple is hurting more, like an ache or pain but not incredibly painful, more irritating.  I want to take a shower soon, feel like relaxing, may get tired laying in the tub.

Problem

My parents used to leave the house nice with clues like I'm the princess coming home from college interested in Tim Burton but can't stand noise since I was a music major..  I thought in the experiment which came back I was supposed to call his daughter the n word.  Maybe, then calling their son gay on the bonus features of a movie made that happen.  Also, they were gonna ask me to do it, later..  So, also, I don't believe Cali and L.A. knows about caring for the person as a person.

Ow

My right ear now feels like it has a pimple and is affecting my jaw.  I guess I need a new pack of ear plugs each month.

IMDb

Ow

I scratched like the back of my neck|head and it hurt like something was stuck in it because there's a pimple.

Interesting

My dad was up early today.  When I got up.  Around 5:45 A.M.

Ow! ^0^

My left ear had a pimple, and my right 1 has a similar feeling.  I keep taking long baths but still feel dirty.  My female thing!  It's still pretty minute.

Problem

I feel like I've been made to hurt myself.  I also feel made fun of that it was possible and that some people wouldn't care, that some people can't be hurt like that, psychiatrically.  I mean the way my body is working.  This has gone on awhile.  It could have been interesting, but the people in the area are so critical of me.  They just want to make me feel guilty because I went on my big break, though they probably bothered me, before, as much.

Edit

I took the Comment Form off the Me Page.

Dream

I don't remember the 1st, but it was good.

The 2nd I was like in a big more empty, dark museum with a dark floor.  I was with my mom looking at a shelf of DVDs and came across some workout ones.  There was also a kit for toning, like a big thing with material, not sure how it worked, kinda like you pumped at it.  So, I picked this arm & something working.  I thought of a dog and saw like an image with big sorta poofy arms with curves.  I went and brought that with me.  So, I came up to Ginny Kopf and she was teaching 3 or 4 classes and 1 was an exercise class.  I was in a line with people, like another dream a more long time ago saw a guy from high school who was bigger with a big head, kinda drugged from all the energy he had, and I said hi to him in the end.  So, I came up to the teacher, and I think she noticed me.  I went off, and then I came across her.  I thought she was going to sign me up for a class.  So, there was like a bunch of stairs facing the center.  Everyone was walking up and down them and almost doing a coordinated routine, and I realized I'd missed the beginning classes.  I just did what the people by me did, like sorta crouched over sometimes.  It felt like I was experienced in this a lot and hoped everyone else would be or feel that they could have been if they wanted.  I thought I'd done this on couches.  So, she did something, don't remember what.