Happy New Year 2013!

My resolution is: to become healthier with money.

Lying Down

Probably will fall asleep.

Might turn off my computer.

Problem

So, when I was 1 I think I felt fat.  I was a good girl.  I just was shy and people found that annoying, which was mean and showed they were wrong.  There was nothing I could say because they didn't connect with me as being more white than they thought because my ancestry dating back years ago...

Then, when I was 2, for some reason, I was kinda dark and fatter, still.  I had started gymnastics, already, though, so I dunno.  I don't know what I looked like in between.  I don't remember.  I think I felt like crap.  I probably went haywire like an Asian American.  Ha ha ha...

So, then the gymnastics made me strong and people "liked" me..

My brother was born when I was 5.  I was still in gymnastics.  I looked fatter I know when my hair was cut, which maybe it was cut before.  I started ballet, and my head got big.  By the way, I could never remember any of it.  I moved and didn't like the easy school.  So, I looked okay for awhile.  I think my cousin, who would only have been 1, wrote to me and I forgot to write back and I think that made me not get a blog when the internet came out.  I felt like knocked out, maybe by my mom, not to write back, and my dad didn't intercede.  So, he can't get mad.  That's true.  So, I know I looked pretty when I was 7 and did baton at Christmas.  However, I don't think I have the picture but may though my mom didn't develop any of the pictures I asked her to develop!  So, then, I was baton leader of little kids mostly and I started to look kinda old.  I did more gymnastics and quit ballet, and then I looked worse.  I guess I looked better at some point in the easy ballet school, or a bit after.  It was probably 1 of the best Christmas experiences, when I was 7.

So, then, I was 9, and I grew my bangs out.  My hair got thicker, somehow.  We lived by the water, directly on it this time.  It was also a preserved city, the nation's oldest.

I got fatter when I was 12 when I found I was moving.  I'm not sure who caused it.  I think it was my piano teacher.  I'm not sure, she must have been suggestive at weird things that happened, really bad.  I just really suspect her.  My mom had us not walk as much, though we walked to my piano recital, I think.

I started ballet and stayed in it so I wouldn't get scoliosis again.  I also was in martial arts, which seemed to help my weight a lot, just once a week, with grappling.  I also did tennis lessons with my brother and at 1st my mom, too, used to do it with a friend, too.

So, I switched ballet schools and for some reason got more plump, also trying to become cuter.  My friend encouraged me.  It did teach me more classical, puppety ballet, but not like classical puppets..

16, I had a hard lecture reading history course in gifted because it was combined with advanced placement, which is for the advanced placement test for college credit, which isn't actually that popular.  I went to the mental hospital and gained weight even before.  I was losing weight a lot and was not bony but thin.

17 I moved schools and was really busy and got into music college.

I was kicked out of my major, probably for staying up until 5, and my grades were marked down.  So, I couldn't move schools and was at a prestigious college on a high scholarship for a specific study.  It also had ballet that performs, which I didn't perform my 1st year, for some reason.  Then, I went up north and something happened to my back and I started eating sweets.  I came home and my parents didn't let me eat baby food and formula because it had cost a lot.  I got fat.  So, I went and did ballet and didn't go to the gym and because of that I got even fatter, unless I didn't know it was because I got fat when I came home.  That kind of thing has happened before.  Also, the construction made it so I couldn't study, and there was no material the same on the test as in the reading, anyway.  Next semester, I heard noises in my ear that made me want to commit suicide.  I was crawling to get back in my major, and the stuck up people in New Orleans still were being racist because of Johnny Depp and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  It so happens the history course was during Pirates of the Caribbean.  I didn't see the ads at the movies I went to, which were the popular 1s.

So, I came home and I was so tired going out and had to stop going out and had some problems with my head from how my dad drove, though I think buses and taxis would drive like that and I wanted to be a movie actor or like you know do whatever I was supposed to otherwise to start to become 1 in the business.  Like I wanted to work at a restaurant in L.A. but assume that's overrated.  Anyway, it was really mean how my dad drove.  It might have helped, like injuries can help.  I know music and coming home and relaxing for once in my life made me sensitive to noise.  I did ballet for awhile.  I got thinner, but I wanted to get taller and I guess it was fun not to do it and it wasn't a great school, though it provided a sweat.  I forget what else I was gonna say, oh, yea, I wanted to sleep in.  So, we moved to a house since there was noise all the time more and more, like every 15 seconds, even a lot at night, if not that much.  I didn't think to wear earplugs but had a fan.  I stayed in my room a lot and ate what my parents got, but I didn't even go outside until my mom presented me with keys, guess it might have been too late.  Then, I went to the mental hospital, supposedly for punching my wall, going to a spa and trying to get blackheads out which ruined plugs that were happening in my forehead and then I thought in an experiment I was supposed to call a girl toddler the n word, also thought the spa lady hypnotized me to do it for not talking more about the internet.  I was telling her how I got blackheads.  I was on a lot of medicine for a long time and finally found a reason to quit.  It made me even fatter and weaker and kinda like nothing mattered, ever since the n word thing, when Tim Burton stopped pretending to post online to me.  Since then, a few complications have occurred.

So what I have to say about that is it would just be when I was 8 when I didn't write my cousin that I looked ugly and when I was 5 and started ballet.  It was because I did gymnastics, too, not sure "what" happened to the other girls.  I mean, it was like I knew what was wrong.  I didn't cheat and say oh I did nothing all my life so am free for ballet, you know?  Like not doing gymnastics is what makes you good at ballet.

I went to the mental hospital when I was 16 with that hard history course, too.  I was fat after that, affected from it.  Only a week.  Here I went a month.

Problem

I found that Ellen DeGeneres actually doesn't have the personality she thinks she has in her arsenal.  She is kinda mean to child prodigies and gets racist and lingers on it.  Also, she thinks she's important.

Problem

Tim Burton, you can't rub in to the world that Helena Bonham Carter is pretty and my mom is ugly.  Why don't you like leave me alone in that light?

Also, why do you think the world stops because of you?

Why are you so like backing away like every little thing will hurt you?

I thought you stood for something.  You didn't do shit.

Problem

I don't think my mom wants to be in glasses at her age.  I'm not sure what her problem is with Tim Burton.  Helena Bonham Carter has money so probably doesn't need them..  It was something to do I know with that he apparently did art and wanted to say that like everyone else has to do something that's like worse than him and then he depended on his swimming maybe to give him the artistic stamina.  Hm, I did that with singing in college, I know, and probably it enhanced my art.  I did gymnastics hand in hand as a kid.  I got glasses at 9, and I blame the kids at school.  Also, I suddenly had lots to copy from the board that year, so I blame that, too.  Too bad that was so far my favorite teacher.

Problem

Why does Tim Burton protect Nell racially against Eurasians who look white?  Hm, maybe he doesn't.

Problem

Tim Burton probably would really not be serious that my mom has glasses and think she was bound to.  However, most people wouldn't agree.

I just realized that it was like my mom didn't have fun in this country, and people who read it will say I'm spewing negro.  That's what's not right.  Kids have been doing that since Johnny Depp.  I mean, she sees my dad, all the time.  The woman doesn't necessarily work.  What is it with my dad and money?  I mean, we're not the poorest.  Are we really that poor?  My dad acts like my mom doesn't provide him with food, but he also complains he's too fat and doesn't want to eat and doesn't work out on his own.  They actually rubbed in a lot that I didn't want him to.  They thought maybe I liked him to give me attention.  Why do you go off into bullshit thinking that's okay!  D:'  I MEAN OKAY THAT THEY THINK THAT!!!  WHAT ARE YOU A PIECE OF SHIT.

Problem

So, why would I follow like 100 IMDb accounts that are supposedly Tim Burton and then he stops and people are mean to me.

Then, something else I don't remember.

It seems like the highlight of my life is my Blogger background.  It might not be the best background for the public, but it's a clever theme that follows popular trends.  I personally enjoy it.

Oh yes, why make fun of someone for being accurate?

Doing Chores

I actually did the dishes, last night, and even put them in the dishwasher.  I am too tired to finish the laundry this evening.

About Bedtime

My dad was up like until past 11 or 12 on the night of I think Saturday.  He went to bed around 9 or something or between then and 9:30 P.M. on Friday.  My mom and brother went on vacation for maybe around a week.

Edit

I changed my Twitter link to this new blog.  3)

Edited Video Rankings

I changed the *** on "Drink With Me" and "I Dreamed a Dream" and maybe others to 1 *.  I am tempted to take them down.

Ate

Earlier

Rest of Grandma's Christmas Candy - a Peanut Butter Fudge (No Chocolate This Time) and Marshmallow Things
2 French Bread Pizzas
A Few Leftover Baby Rounded Carrots and Dill Dip
1 Bun Length Oscar Meyer Wiener on Wheat Bread With Heinz Ketchup
Giant Reese's

Problem

So, saying that you are not very accomplished but are like loaded with meat because of where you're from, doesn't that make you a bad person?  I mean, isn't it your responsibility to be able to either make yourself happy or treat others with respect, like those who are by themselves in a corner or living their life?

Movie

I had a pretzel, which was big, and an orange juice.

Before, I got a sandwich at a healthy restaurant and a smoothie there, which was pretty plain, watery|icy.

Movie

Les Misérables

I went to the bathroom before and after.  During, I'm pretty sure I went 4 times.  I didn't miss most all of what I anticipated.

I liked how the little boy seemed so strong and seemed to exemplify the common desires of all.

I also liked how the chorus women developed.

I wonder if the women in it knew why they didn't sound like those German art songs, you know, kinda like a horn or the sorta fuzzy sound that I bet a lot of more European singers sound like, though more playful and seemingly not classical, more rebellious, though I believe now they are accepted.  I heard a lady like that from Russia, have it recorded from iTunes radio.  At least, I think she's Russian.

Something Funny

If I was going from my American side, why would I think that I had inhibited myself to be European like thinking oh but I have heritage from out-of-the-U.S. anyway?

Old Music

So, when did like those space things come out?  I'm listening to A Clockwork Orange from 1972.

I like the 4th movement from "Pomp & Circumstance."

Now, I'm listening to Beethoven's 9th and I know everyone loves this.  I used to find it really different.  Now, it sounds kinda old and techy.

Ah, yes!!  3D  It's very marchy.  It sounds in perfect sync.  It's perfect music!  ;D

If you don't know about this movie, my dad told me about it when I was 7 or 6, I think, if not maybe even 5?  Probably 6.  It's about being tortured to music you love, like being changed.  It's supposed to be really big.  A lot of people in school started talking about it awhile after my dad told me, and it became overrated, tacky, and trashed, through the years, like everyone knew it.  Then, people talked about it like you were a nigger.

Wow, it's like a swing music.  Hm, must be modern German or classical German.  Did you know well that the Classical period ended with Beethoven, who started the Romantic period?  I know Back is Baroque and Mozart is Classical.

This is a bit different from all the modern English we've been getting. It seems different from the organ music I'm used to and like, though. I always thought it sounded retarded, like cut off, rhythmic, nice and simple to follow but well-orchestrated.

Wow, something just totally clicked. It reminds me of French, now.

Wow, I can totally elaborate on the same feeling.

I had a German foreign exchange student, and Germanic things were popular and there were foreign exchange students from that side of Europe, when I wa 16 and 17.  In college, the voice instructor was obsessed with German and lived there 20 years with her husband from Harvard, though their singing was plainstyle and annoying.  They seemed to really take to me though I'd been strict on.  I took a group voice class all year, the 2nd semester being Italian.  It was actually the official voice major class because I did Music Education, stated it upon entering.  Before wanted Composition and auditioned for Voice, too.

Also a big thing was to try to act German.  I guess in and out English has been woven in in experience, exposed, though, like I remember for instance seeing this attractive English girl at New Year's with a thick, sleek frame, not too tall, bleached smooth hair.  I saw a girl or more like this on TV lead people through a house, too.  I've seen other English people, like on Science videos and when my brother watches TV, people not that healthy.  Tim Burton and Johnny Depp lead the whole English French thing.  It seems Tim Burton can understand French.  Tim Burton did English.  All hail, Tim Burton!  3D

I know a lot of people were anti-English anti-everything German, but I was accepted as perfect for all cultures.  It's just something you can try to do.  I guess I was lacking some meat.

Hm, this music isn't too long in the main exciting part.  So, I'm not rocking through it all this time.  It's kinda in the background.

Problem

So, you think I get mad because I think people will make fun of me for being nice?  No, that's why I don't take it back and why I'm afraid to say I'm just taking out my anger safely and utilizing my blog.  If I had to say who it was to, probably I wouldn't.  I'd go and do something else, instead.  I mean, yea, I was mad, and yea it seemed like something that came up.

New Video

It didn't work, last night.  Too bad the profile image is funny, off:

YouTube.

Problem

So, I wonder if I wasn't taken out of my major if I could have been smart enough to eventually, thinking of quitting the music major and possibly going into 1 simple program plus maybe a required minor ... if I'd consider ever coming home and blogging, seeing as I'm not really getting anywhere financially.  Also, would I get on Blogger?  Would I get a program and figure out how to make nice backgrounds?  How would I become as good as who I am today?

Problem

I'm so annoyed with this annoying little noises in my room.  I feel as though I'll forget out to communicate like with nuances because I don't like it.

Problem

I can't find a post I made.  I can't find when I was having my female thing.  I think it was over a week ago, was pretty light.  What do you think happened?  Do you think blog posts like that disappear?  I even searched through pages.  I remember it was as I was leaving.  I found it.  It was 10 days ago, a few blogs back.  It was also a few days after it had begun.  So, that's like 2 weeks of leakage.  What's so good about that medicine, now?  Also, I got it early.  Maybe the good food.

Problem

Also, I realized I was irritated from little bugbite wounds all over my legs and at least 2 on my arm.  I asked my dad to leave out some cream.  They're really itching more acutely for a longer period of time.  I know it made me feel different going out.

This never happened.  I was really upset about maybe getting upset out people being mean atutely and curse words flipping the pinnacle of my thoughts, which may be funny, though I don't think that was the best choice of reaction into which to flow, yes I find it degrading people who have to behave that way..  So what never happened ... also about getting mad yesterday and those 2 violent things I thought because I'm in habit of not directing my anger at any 1 person but have found it to be unexplained if you're supposed to do this, get out as much anger as possible without physically nor pointedly hurting anyone.  So, what happened was I was feeling bad and tired and I stimulated myself a little.  I dunno, maybe I had been stimulated.  So, I went to the bathroom and am still on my female thing, which I lost for over a year from the psyc medicine, and actually it more than doubled, which is pretty light, was rather gooey in feel and seemed kinda like liquidy|juicy.

Problem

I just woke up and was insulted.  I was tapped into like a piece of shit.  None of it was a fact, it was just a bunch of elaborated wishes.  I told you to stop.

Why can't we get Ellen DeGeneres or whoever's impersonating her?  Why is she appealing to bad people and invading my blog?  I mean, I can blog whatever I want.

So, I woke up and heard 2 noises by my clock and my left I like doubled over in some force.  It's very uncomfortable.  Hey, now they're gonna linger on the idea that I'm weak.

Stop bothering me.  Hey, listen.  I'm right.  You're bothering me.

What happened to my left eye?

Also, I know I was tired and up for a long time and though ate healthily am full.

I did have to go to the bathroom.

Are you just sitting there stooping to the results of your own actions?  Can you just quit it?  I don't care what Ellen DeGeneres thinks about each time I feel upset and hurting me for it.

I feel sick.  D3

Need to Lie Down

Probably fall asleep.  3(  Upset.  May get up.

So yea really sorry about the association.  Not sure why it came up, but it did.  The magnitude was bad.  It just seems kinda like I didn't know what to do, and it really wasn't supposed to be directed at a person.  Hope we can figure out like if these problems will just keep coming.

Problem

So, where are these messages coming from, now?  What about my need to let out my anger not at one particular person on my blog?  What now?  Do I need to be danger aware?  M.  So, what, do I have to be careful around people's eyes?  I've been clumsy, lately, since Les Misérables.

My Problem

So, I lost my female thing from the psyc meds, and now it's coming back long and super duper light right now.  So, that means my mood must be really poor quality.

I also got kinda hurt for doing something that upset Aunt 1, just because, when "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" stopped, like I found what ticked.  Now, I don't want to deal with this and like have it not matter.  If it keeps going so be it, it still happened and it still is an issue.  I can't really know if I can brush it aside.  I mean, why should I stay up and type about stuff like this?  I mean, I thought this was like something you didn't like.  Why would I say stuff like that?  I mean, I see, it fits, and I didn't mean it in a literal way, but I know you don't like it, at all, but secretly find it like pretend.  I don't even know why I said it but have a feeling I had a reason to  Maybe it's because it wasn't really to 1 person and it came up and I don't know why.

Problem

So, what's wrong, now?  Hm, I smell danger.  So, why are you getting me mad?  You want me to just like want to hurt you?  Stop saying I'm a nigger for not wanting to hurt you, like I'm trying to be nice and didn't admit something.

Problem

Stop telling me I have to do everything you do because I'm better than you in so many ways and maybe more ways than you.

Stop telling me I did all this junk I didn't even do.  I know you're wrong.  Stop bothering me all day.

Problem

Stop keeping adding something bad.

I'M GONNA *BEEP* YOU.  DID YOU JUST BRING UP MY DAD AND ME DOING SOMETHING I LIKE BEING NOT OKAY BECAUSE I LIKE IT?

Problem

GET ELLEN DEGENERES TO STOP THESE MESSAGES IN PRIVATE BECAUSE OF THE N WORD THING AND OTHER LITTLE THINGS.

STOP!  I DON'T WANT TO BE STUPID.  I'm not going to live in a world of bullshit.  Stop saying the world is really bad and my fantasies are false.  SOMEONE GET HER.  SHE'S LYING.

Hey stop loading the page funny all the time.  Stop taking out your anger you piece of shit.

Problem

So why did you make me feel like I don't want kids?  Answer.  Maybe, I should like figure you're just stupid.

Problem

Hey, stop!  SHUT UP.  My right girl sack.  You're nothing, absolutely nothing.  Why should I not care about that?  Come up with a real reason.  Something that's not like because you're in trouble or because actually I do favor other people over you and if you have kids hm something I don't want to know.

Problem

Hey, why did Ellen DeGeneres bother me with noises in my room and the way things load for ½ year?  What about this boy I met?  What, did you "find him, too?"

Problem

I SAID STOP.  IS THIS ANOTHER "MESSAGE FROM ELLEN?"  JUST SHUT UP.  You don't deserve her to approve of you.  Stop saying I can't like her.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres is a *beep* because she thinks I should die someday anyway.  She also thinks I really mean what I say to certain people.  SHUT UP.  STOP.  I SAID STOP.  LEAVE ME ALONE.  I heard an annoying noise.  Hm, you want me to just say I hope that she doesn't give me any attention, but you think you posted something for her to relate to or are nice to keep to not directing it toward the likings of her..  Stop, I'm not dealing with your making fun of what I say for no apparent reason you will not explain.

Problem

Why is Ellen DeGeneres bringing up things and then like not caring that she was wrong?  She keeps doing this.  I'm getting these messages in private, afterthoughts.  She's just a wild hose from the New Orleans area.

Look, I told you to stop.  Go c** yourself in the f***, you piece of crap.

Problem

GO AWAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

You're just being a nigger and treating me like a nigger.  You're a piece of shit you can't hold in your shit.  You're just a piece of shit.  Go b*** your b**** and ***.

And leave me alone for "what came up."

WHO GAVE MY MOM GLASSES?  What's so cool about it?  It looks suspicious to me.  I don't have to be hurt by my dad.  He was threatened to be arrested, and I'm trying to have a successful relationship but am getting that Ellen DeGeneres is antsy.  I am not sure of the truth in her actually doing it just like this.

Problem

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.  YOU'RE SUCH A NIGGER.  STOP PICKING ON ME FOR SAYING THAT.  YOU'RE ALL JUST CRAP.  YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE.  WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT YOU?  YOU'RE JUST A PIECE OF CRAP.  YOU WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.  YOU'RE JUST A SPITEFUL NIGGER.

Someone stop them, they're gonna hurt me.  They just annoyed me.  They keep picking on me for when I get mad at something important and then ruin it.  This is gonna bother me.  This wasn't supposed to happen, neither.  Who cares "what" Ellen DeGeneres thinks of this?  WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?  COME ON, ANSWER DUMMY...

Problem

SHUT UP ABOUT THE N WORD THING.

I'm trying to watch Ellen DeGeneres.

Problem

Just stop.  Ellen DeGeneres needs to stop getting things out when something doesn't go her way.

Problem

I'm sick of the image of Ellen DeGeneres as a nigger.

Problem

I told you to stop.

You're making up weird fantasies about people related to people I care about.

I don't care what you say.  Stop acting like a piece of shit to my dad sucked up to him.

Problem

I think Ellen DeGeneres is trying to ruin my brain so I can't do certain things but doesn't want to say anything.  Stop slobbering all over my blog and getting in my private life, you *beep* devil.

Problem

STOP GETTING MAD AT PEOPLE LIKE ELLEN DEGENERES AS BAIT FOR ME BECAUSE SHE'S MEAN TO ME AND BETTER THAN YOU.

Problem

No one cares about Ellen DeGeneres having a mom with a Jewish last name.  I mean, like, she shouldn't be treated well for her antics at being special in the way she is, which is in private her sending messages via wire that she can only be annoying.

Problem

SINCE WHEN DID ELLEN DEGENERES SAY THAT SOME FANTASY IS A DIM REALITY?

Problem

Stop hurting me after I post online.  I can make a point.  I didn't do anything wrong.  Look, prove it.  I SAID STOP.  TALK.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres keeps saying stuff that's not right and seems to be happy like before she's hurting me in private.  Hey, stop.  You're wrong.  I'd h*** you.  You have a problem with being nice to people.

Problem

STOP GETTING MAD AT ME FOR CURSING AND STOP SAYING I'M A NIGGER AND SUGGESTING MY KIDS WILL BE.  What are you a freak?  You are just like everyone else.  What did you send me now, wasting your time?  You're so mean.  I do want to talk to people, and I don't think other people are better than you.

I got a message from Ellen DeGeneres.  STOP.  Just because someone insulted you you're playing cool and insulting other people.  Why don't you accept it?

HEY LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T WANT TO RUIN MY RELATIONSHIP TO HER.  GO TEACH YOURSELF A LESSON.  LISTEN.  I'M NOT WASTING MY TIME ON YOU.  Ooh, so, that means you won't talk to me, because you're ruining the other people I know.  What do you think I sound like now?  Stop it you annoying people.  You also sound like Chloë Grace Moretz.  Stop.  Leave me alone.  I'm not doing anything wrong.  You did it.  Some stranger didn't do it.  Hey, quit it, stop saying I'm mimicking people.  You're wrong.

Hey, now, I'm getting annoying noises invading me.  Look, I don't care about you.  I told you to leave me alone.  You're wasting my time.  Stop saying stuff that's not true.  Like that it's cool to make up mean stuff.

Problem

I guess we'll stop feeding Ellen DeGeneres.  She's from the New Orleans area and went crazy moving to L.A. like everyone from there.  Why can't she just stop sending these messages?  Or whatever whoever is doing it.  It's a part of culture, and everyone knows now she's just like getting mad at all this stuff and is uncomfortable and making other people hurt me, like I know in my room alone.  Also, it's throughout the day.  Sometimes, it seems like most of my day online.  It happened for ½ year.  LOOK I'M RIGHT.  I guess she doesn't care about people like me.  I thought maybe she wouldn't but that she'd warm up to me.  I mean, do you really like her?

Problem

STOP.  You're hurting me.  Stop barking at me.  I SAID STOP.  YOU MAKE NO SENSE.  I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU.  I don't feel guilty.  What now?  Why do you think I'll believe this?  I don't want to do this.  What's your problem?  I don't believe you.  No one does.  I TOLD YOU TO STOP.  Stop saying it's my fault.  You should be unaffected.  See, I figured it out.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres doesn't realize that being bad also will get her in trouble and not keep her safe.  LOOK STOP THREATENING TO HURT PEOPLE.  Let's make sure it's not a precaution in the world.  Let's see if we can ease out of it.  Why not work on it?  I don't believe in not working on fixing it.

Problem

Leave me alone.  I can blog whatever I want.  I don't need someone hurting me, all the time.  What's wrong with my blog now?  No curse words.  No threats.  Don't you get mad sometimes?  You do as much as you can, but you can't hurt anyone.  You try to be nice, but then people think everything is trying to hurt them.  The funniest thing happened at the mall, and I know you've probably sauced over it, in some way, in your own way.  So, you think I'm a nigger if I don't hurt you?!  HA!

Problem

Why should I care about you?  You keep saying things are true that aren't.

Also, why do you keep bringing up tight situations?  Are you a dodo?

Problem

You don't have to bring up things and associate bad things with good things to me.  What do you think I am?  Explain, dummy.  Why are you saying this is Ellen DeGeneres?  Why doesn't she seem to deny it?  How's that gonna help?  Gotta problem?  Or is it something complicated?  You can't just figure out some way to avoid this.  You're still wrong.  I know where you come from, both places.

12 New Videos of Me Singing Loading

YouTube

Twitter link

link

New Twitter Profile Picture

Twitter

Here's the link to the photo on Flickr: link.

New Photos of Me

Flickr

New Video of Me

1

See you all, a little later...

Mobile

Respecting the Past

Ellen DeGeneres doesn't seem to respect the idea of negros looking back at their past, like a southern NYC feel.  My idea of New Orleans negros, not the black ladies wading in the streets (which is with atail of kids, seen most times in the city it seems ... some of you may never know) was being like attractive sorta in the Communications fie'ld.

I know I understand this and don't live it and other people kinda reject it.

What about things they preach in English and History, the "Harlem Renaissance."  '8I

What was your childhood like?

I wasn't allowed to play in some endless field or through a backyard.  So, I ate my ration and like I mean I could eat lots of sweets, but after I quit exercise for awhile and moved like I pretty much would bloat after any meal.  I don't know how I managed before martial arts once a week.  It had grappling.

Problem

Why do you want every experience to be like literal and not like interesting with things made up and feelings?

Problem

Why would you desire someone to be sorry for someone for being tacky?

Generation Weaknesses

What if what made you feel more like weak was "what" the generation below you did?  Did you think about people feeling weak about "what" their own generation "is allowed to do" in relation to Late Boom?  Because of the mean age of parents of peers?

Wrong Racial Decisions

People realize they were racist but don't realize it was wrong and that that can't be the reason.  How can you be philosophically ruled out with no explanation farted out?

Overcoming Obstacles

So, if you've had a problem a long time and everyone has the same problem, you meet Ellen DeGeneres and she tells you to just jump in the pool and change this fixture you have you can't overcome and that dictates the peak of your very life?

Problem

If I lived all over the U.S., why can you tell me otherwise?  Are you certified to do it?  Just a question.  It's not something you're allowed to do to just me..

Problem

I do not agree with my life ***ually following in the mistakes of my dad, like I had to decide to be like him, like fate.  Like, maybe he doesn't jump in.  I don't think he was the 1 who doesn't jump in because he's white but maybe part Jewish and "supposedly" a little part Native American indian.

Being "European"

So, my mom thinks I should do what I'm supposed to but doesn't seem to know why I seem like sickly but not like in a precious way but precious in a tacky way.  Why is my dad kinda fat but not like gruff?  Is that such a problem?  Why was he like that?

Hm.. Maybe, Americans are just exaggerated.

Problem

If other kids are so bad and have to be so submissive, why must I be pushed to be their comrade in crime?  I don't want to be submissive.  I don't think anyone cares if I'm good and makes my life impossible.  So, my conscience isn't guilty.  Wait, why do people think that's okay to believe that?  I mean, so maybe you do have that problem.  So, what, do I just get to talk to no one?  Or, like I noticed that nice people still like me.  I don't expect them to, but I don't want to get in a disagreement because of other people being jealous.

Problem

Why do you think I sit here and want people to know everything I do all the time via video camera?  That's just a fun thing.  If you're mad, you're not supposed to be with me.

Also, I don't want rubbed in the fact that it happens and maybe like it should mean nothing, in general.  HA!

Problem

I think Ellen DeGeneres has a problem with me when I moved to the New Orleans area.

Asia

I would know about Asians mixing in the world but am not from Texas, Australia, nor L.A.

So, there is a place in Asia I think called Indonchina, but I'm not sure, and there are countries there by China that loom Middle Eastern, like Nepal.  I met an attractive guy from another, let me see...Burma.  I know he was nice to me but didn't talk to me, I think.

So, Oriental Asia would include these countries with India as sorta the borderline:
(1) China
(2) Japan
(3) Thailand
(4) Vietnam
(5) Korea

Don't forget about the Filipins.

I bet most Asians would know like so much about this, like the kids would say, at least some in some areas or maybe most in some areas or most areas.  I'm not sure over in Asia.  I think they'd understand.  I think you're getting a lot of people like from Nepal getting popular online.  They look kinda like Filipinos but are from inland by China and India, so it's like Vietnam and I think seems to me like it was next to it.

Something Weird

Do you know know about people who fall asleep in logic, like say someone would say oh I think you did something for me but you're just worse than a piece of dirt trash, worse than nothing, because of your race, but some people like they are aware that they don't like their race, you know, what can you do, just stick your head in a hole of vacuum?

I do find it weird when some people think they are like more like Tim Burton than me.  I guess I don't really find it funny to be interested in Tim Burton.

Problem

Also, trying to help me from complaining at home is not gonna help because I don't think I complained a much as the year got on and I started ballet.  It seems like I may have complained until I went to a public high school.  So, I went all these years with nothing and now I try to do something and I get sorta this fartsy attitude from people like Tim Burton I feel, when I'm so nice and perfect, he like digs into your past like you're a wart.

Problems

I noticed a few things concerning the messages I'm getting about Ellen DeGeneres.

Maybe, she's a bit like has a horny shell from being Jewish, thinking she's special her mom's last name is Jewish.  I met someone here with a Jewish last name.  She's her age, Ginny Kopf, on my Facebook.  What I mean is I'm getting the message like there's some rough thing I didn't do.  You know?

Also, she seems to excuse everyone but me because of my race and won't admit in the end it will be wrong to just be racist to me and not admit it.  If I ever have an attitude, I'm not okay.  I didn't grow up saying, "Mom, I hate you," but other kids did, and she accepts those kids.

Back

I showered and seem to have cleaned up a bunch of stuff.  I'm doing my laundry and painted my nails.  I cut them today, too, do often.  Need to use my new clippers I got in a pack.  I cut my right middle fingernail at an angle I think on the right but evened it out to a good degree.

I also got 2 subs, a drink, and a dessert, at a gas station.

Bothered

I was bothered and crossed the road with a car on a green light.

I realized people are unaccepting about new people online because other people will dis the internet.

Also, why does Tim Burton think you need to know everything, in advance?

Why am I getting annoying messages from people I know when I make a statement or figure something out?

Why is Tim Burton being mean subconsciously the reason for every conversation?

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Eurasian

Anyone with any technical non-European has to make "the" Eurasian decision.

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A Message From the Opera Ghost

If they do local region musicals like "Starlight Express," they should bus over the artists who live there.

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Resting, Slowing Down

I've stopped trotting.

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History and High School and University

So, if I didn't do ballet would be to relax, blog, I guess be ready for college lectures and history, "historical," reading.

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My "Hairstyle" -3)

I am wearing a ponytail.

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Out and into the cold..

Mobile

Dreams

So, 1st, I was at a college, which was like my music school.  There was this thin diction brunette teacher.  We all huddled to class from her.  I was attracted to her.  I came back.  For some reason, I imagined her carrying me.  1st, she like touched me, like put her arm around my body.  I was wearing a casual dress and she was like massaging my crotch but not like ***********.  After awhile, it felt perverted and I stopped when that happened.  I liked the 1st time I saw her and she felt sorry for me losing my female thing and it felt kinda like more subtle but strong and then something else.  I was unable to recreate the feeling and wanted to feel it all over a lot.  Then, I walked somewhere.  I was in this big like bathroom and finding a way to stimulate myself and it really worked but not like really good and my mom came in.  I was embarrassed, saw her leave, didn't see her come, and pretend I was doing something else.  I went to the front desk and it was about to close, whatever the place was.  I asked about how to be a member.  I followed a tall girl into the bathroom and found a stall, peed, while she showered and saw me go forward, another girl in there showering.  I thought 1 was using the toilet.  I said oh I peed on the floor and muttered some other things.  I found after awhile there was no toilet and that there were maybe 3 toilets arranged in the enclosure.  It was clean.  So, then, I found another little room there and wanted to stimulate myself.  I guess I came out and went to the front desk and found they took a photo ID of me with more of a triangular front to my face and a round head, my hair substantially covering the side of my face, a little curly-looking, like wavy ringlets.  I walked away, looking at my picture.

I don't remember what was most interesting, but I woke up to a good feeling, a strange idea I was in a, like, totally fuzzy short dress and had, some shaded white.

I don't remember what was best, I think it was anticipating the diction teacher.  I think I was skipping speech.  It was like a series of a few days.

The stimulating house was a nice place, don't know what the places other than the bathrooms were for.  I was talking to a little black dude who worked there, maybe 1 other black dude, 2 desks across the area facing each other on either side.

I know I had some dream where it was lite interacting with Ellen DeGeneres at a school.

Tired

Going back to bed.

I guess the walking made me tired.

I feel weighted down and kinda compressed with air sticking toward the top of me like a dropping or cover of snow.

Dreams

This 1 was neat.  I woke up and it felt like the position I thought it was like Ellen DeGeneres would be in.  I felt a made up person's boobs, kinda solid and strong and kinda like warm behind my shoulder blade.  In my dream, I was on the floor with my hands propped behind me.  I saw her finally come near me and smile, didn't look exactly like her, indented eyes and she said something with excitement and looked straight and me and was like gonna scoot over.  Then, she looked thin and kinda like a nurse.  I think something scary or annoying happened, for awhile, and I woke up.

I forget the next, but I think it was something to do with her like that.  Anyway, that was really neat, for some reason.

I think the 2nd 1, ah yes, I was walking around like a huge warehouse with a seemingly endless dome to do with class, with my cell phone I think.  The memory keeps waving in.  I just can't remember, though.  I think I was seeing a like supposed new version of Ellen DeGeneres.  Supposedly, yes, I was in Orlando and she was recording|filming there.  Maybe, that was another part.  She was like really like a stampede supposed to see me because I was there, not sure what else.  Maybe, like an hour on the weekend or what seemed like 20 minutes of her being frantic.  I was like part of something.  She taught a class, maybe a college, not like it was expected.  I, like anyone. was wondering who would go.  In the end, I thought it was L.A.  Something else happened.  It wasn't like she was clear in this dream, neither.

Going to Bed Soon

Why am I tired so much?  Hope I'm not on secret pills.  I did walk too much, lately.

Problem

So, people were being nice to me watching me in my room, and they seemed to promise not to hurt me.  I could record the sounds.  I want relationships, though.

Animalistic Humans

Why is it only people from Florida are human and people in Europe are like supple humans?  I feel that others are barking animals reacting to feelings of psychiatric jealousy.  L.A. just has the modern support, Hollywood, but lots of people live there.  Florida I guess is more home to Floridians, too, but not just mainly the Spanish.  I don't know many people probably because of my parents.  Also, we moved.

I mean, someone just sees a point and pretends you're in trouble and keeps finding out they're wrong and just racist.  I am not more mean that Tim Burton, and an orchestra will bow over and their hat will fall off for him.  Someone like Ellen DeGeneres would think well I'm not white, so what?  Well, um, it's like being Middle Eastern.  The Chinese are considered whiter than like some other culture to them and just need to act European and they are accepted.  Everyone knows that.  I think they just get that feel, and now I remember I think something like that has been talked about.

Problem

JUST STOP.  I HEARD YOU.  STOP TELLING ME I'M SAYING OTHER STUFF AND THEN DENYING IT.  STOP TELLING ME I'M MENIAL AND TACKY.  STOP MAKING FUN OF HOW I TALK LIKE YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

Problem

I WANT MY ONLINE LIFE.  STOP BOTHERING ME!  I SAID STOP.  STOP.

STOP IT.  YOU CALLED ME A NIGGER.

Just stop.

Stop saying stuff that's not true all the time.  Ellen DeGeneres is minioning these messages all day all year.  Hello, did you hear me?  Why should I care about you?

Look, now, it's just gonna say no.  Why is nothing happening?

Problem

I SAID STOP.

Problem

Let's see Ellen DeGeneres be as mean as she is when she talks to people on her show.  She is telling me things are crap all the time in private or the minions are and then is like oh no I didn't I didn't torture you for ½ year.

Problem

Go away, I didn't ask anyone to do anything for me, and if someone sometimes hacks my computer for fun so what, as long as it's not illegal and they don't hurt me.  Wait, why didn't I type, "once in awhile" or even "sometimes?"  It's none of your business.  May you never get married and never have any secret relationships or believe in the afterlife.  If you are busy making fun of me for saying afterlife and not saying what to say instead, I guess you're a phony.

Problem

QUIT!  LEAVE ME ALONE!  I'm getting made fun of after someone says they're nice, and then they want me to know that they're kidding.  Also, when I try to feel, like on the computer, I get made fun of.

TALK.  STOP HURTING ME.  You can't just keep controlling all the machines around me.

Problem

LEAVE ME ALONE.  QUIT TELLING ME EVERYTHING I FEEL IS TRUE.

Problem

So, what, Ellen DeGeneres has been having fun making up things?

Also, why don't I get exposed to more people than crap?

Problem

Why do I keep getting the message that Ellen DeGeneres thinks that me feeling like I'm submissive means I really am?  I'm sure we could submiss her into something.  Wait, but I don't mean to say that something untrue would exist.

Problems

People are picking at me and making me think of curse words and stuff and doing it to prove that I should not be picked up when something happens.

Also, do you think people don't really mean like sorta the diamond effect of saying wow they're something, capable of eliciting emotion in others?

Worked Out

So, I worked out for about 2 minutes.

Exercise

I bought another workout: link.

Cleaned

I put all the trash away, forgot some tissues on my table, put the stuff on the towel on the floor away, tonight or tomorrow or Monday will do my laundry

Ate

Wheat bread we had with a slice left of honey ham, cold cut
My lemon dressing, which is tan
A piece of dark lettuce leaf

Salad of dark thicker long leaves
My lemon dressing
Texas croutons

Mixed nuts

Thick Reese's

Thawing my Philly Swirl Italian Ice, cotton candy

Exercise

I had to FF through an Amazon instant video of extreme|intense cardio workout.  I got tired after about 2 or 3 minutes of workout.  I did a bridge and now I'm done.  xp  I was doing it in time to music.

link

Problem

So, Ellen DeGeneres would be jealous of another attractive lady could exist who wouldn't mind giving children attention.

Also, I went to college and never had time to watch her show.  I guess I watched Nick and Nite.  I also watched Cats.  I e-mailed each day, in disappointment, for an hour or some more each day.  I took little classes, as well.  I wish I just went out and figured I was old enough for exercise videos and bought some online.  The thing is I guess I didn't feel ready nor the need to start a blog.  I mean, no one thinks I have to have a computer.  I got a piano, instead, and it helps me type.

Problem

Why do you have certain beliefs of what's right to believe about the Jews?  Did you even think before you spoke?  You know it's wrong.  I don't believe you, but you bothered me.  I can't just like let people do anything they want to me.  I need rest.

Racial Possibilities

So, apparently, the Asians can tick as Europeans and have that desire.  People just sorta deny them the opportunity to develop the possibilities and then think that the bad things caused good things and want to do more bad things.

I guess dark Europeans make Middle Easterners feel bad.  I think it's just a part of the lifestyle.  Same with Eskimos.

Problem

STOP TELLING ME EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS TRUE

I don't want to be the only 1 who knows this, but people are using up their life to hurt me.  They don't even know and already admitted at weak knees I was right.  I wonder when this will stop.  GOD STOP IT!

Okay, I just felt like I whipped a person across the face for chiming in that they agreed with hurting me in an annoying, show-off way.  WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP!

Problem

So, what's with the whole world saying things are set up but then saying all these things exist like you did this and you did that.

Why am I being attacked for making a point and getting mad.  STOP!

Problem

What's with my dad's secret attitude?  Look, I'm not a bad person.  Why are you getting racist at me for it?

Problem

So, people are trying to take my, er, attractive or something personality away because my mom isn't technically all Caucasian.  I'm pretty sure I'm in step and I shouldn't lose my good qualities altogether to gain ones that are not as attractive.

Problems

So, I could die..  Well, I already found a passage to the supernatural, if only I can make it.  I don't know about the millions of years of ancestors before us.

So, I figured some things but forgot a good point.  I just got up and went to the bathroom, and some crackers with spread.

So, I know like you watch Ellen DeGeneres.  She got ahead with the clicks in my room.  So, people react a certain way, too.  You go out, and for reasons I thought of, you find yourself in trouble.

So, how do I know that you're right if you won't explain?  I was thinking of something, some conclusion.  I know I realized whites grew up with hatred for the Chinese in their ideas as people and wished to hurt them but at the same time they tell them they don't.  I don't want people to hurt me for not being Asian in a bad way.

Also, I'm hearing gross clicks, and they do manage to technically come in and disturb me.  I think I am a human being more than other Asians, I mean I'm not just some like person who's like not in some category.  Like, I realized I can sit there and sorta suck in the idea that I have to fix some feeling.  I don't have to sit there and think I'm better by hurting myself.  I don't also agree with suddenly coming up and saying it's not okay to be comfortable.  I moved to Orlando, and I started to feel disturbed because I was letting out and people acted like the word nigger around me when I tried.  So, I got mad, and then people got mad back and that's what I'm talking about and it's been 7½ years.

Bath

YouTubes of Me Playing Folk Harp

YouTube

How I Feel

I'm warm and sticky.

How I Feel

I want a bath but am still tired.  I started doing the dishes more.  I clean up crumbs, wipe them, and put the plastic stuff to be recycled.  I've also done my side situps sometimes without posting, maybe once, though, or twice.  It's helped.  Oh, I also had my princess vitamin.

Ate

2 French Bread Pizzas
1 Can of New Chef Boyardee Macaroni and Cheese
the rest of the Italian Greens in a Plastic Container3]_ - Now, I have dark, long lettuce and more asparagus's.
Iced Water, which I still have more of

Singer

Amanda Seyfried seems to have started in high school, as did a lot of singers.  There's this 1 I don't know when she started, from California.  She was kinda more fun and got the head voice teacher.  Well, I noticed that there's a YouTube of a teacher at the arts school in New Orleans who states she sang opera "for a long time."  I don't know anyone who necessarily sang opera since they were a child, but most kids sing hymns, at church, and I also liked kids songs, switched between which I liked to sing, better.

Y O Y

Why are people who started to sing later so knocked out of good quality?

I also know of singers who started too soon.

Britney Spears did gymnastics, too.  Didn't she start singing around 10?

Facebook Posts

from yesterday

Facebook

Enjoying the Smaller Hardships..

Did you ever consider that if you don't do something that's a little uncomfortable that you'll get more uncomfortable later and that that's why you enjoy it?

Making 1 Point, at a Time

Do you know about people who make 1 point, at a time?

What I've Been Doing

I lay in bed, got stimulated, well was stimulated the whole time, then got up and went to the bathroom and lay on my couch.

I need to restart my computer, take a shower, cooking, ...

Dream

I remember I was trying on an outfit.  Finally, I looked in the mirror.  The pants hit the floor and dragged at the middle and I stepped on them.  They were a thin pink.  I think there was a jacket top.  It was a dark hot pink.  Maybe, it was like the shirt reminded me of pastel stripes.  I just had to walk dragging my pants partly off.  The mirror was like the 1 in my room, 1 that stands up on a frame.  I was like in a big warehouse of gray like filled with people, like with a Harry Potter feel.

Tired

Going back to bed.

Dream

All remember well now is the end.  I was in a room.  I followed a lady with thick but more detailed features, like a big pointing noise, and brunette hair into a room, like in a sorta college-business world.  We were with other students like that.  It was a big deal.  I got my hot dog and bun.  There were even burned buns I saw later.  The other buns were near the teachers.  There was like some stuff, like a big box kinda high in the middle I guess filled with ice water.  I had to pay I thought $1 and 30 cents but turns out 25 cents.  I put it in the box.  It was the wrong of 3 boxes, 2 similar, like white and rectangle, kinda tall, cardboard.  I asked where to put it and found it.  Instead of washing my hands by them, I washed them in a big sink in another part by some other kids, kinda in the middle of the 2 groups.  It had a big sprinkling thing and 2 kinds of soap dispensers.  I had to use the foam 1 that spit it out.  So, also, coming in, I saw they were injecting a tube of some kinda maybe light gelly stuff to their wrists, a shot, and I guess we were all getting shots.  It was kinda dreamy, like an apartment complex with trees.

Ate

2 French Bread Pizzas
Beef
Italian Mixed Veggies, Leaves, My Dad Got
Giant Reese's Cup
Cold Water

No vitamins today.  3(

I want a shower but am too tired.  I fell asleep thinking about school and didn't see Les Misérables but am tired, again, so soon, even before I went to eat the rest of the food.

Reading ... and Writing

I guess that I was a good reader.  My mom said I talked a lot.

So, I did gymnastics, ballet, and baton at 7.

Er, 8, I did more gymnastics and baton.  I read the whole thing of the Zoo Books magazines, maybe around 7 of them.

Then, I got the boxed set of the Little House books and read them more than once at 9.  I would linger on the text.  I also was reading American Girls, which were short booklets.  I think that's when people drew from me reading a lot.  However, when I was 7 and 8, we got books read to us, a lot.  When I was 8, it turned out people were already reading novels, however.

We moved when I was 12, and I read The Secret Garden, A Little Princess, a fantasy about a unicorn, and the books for the reading program at school.  I did the homework.

I read some books that became movies, 1 being Harry Potter.  I read The Phantom of the Opera.  I'm not sure what I spent my free time doing.  I know I was either on vacation, working|schooling, or doing something in the arts, each summer.

I read The Tale of Despereux, my 1st year of college, got it from a book fair order through my brother.  I didn't even watch the movie but posted on Facebook.  I hadn't been going out.

I did read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the sequel, as well as Alice in Wonderland for the 3rd or 4th time.  I read it all in 1 morning and afternoon.  I also read the 2nd book, maybe the next day, unsure.  I read through a book on the illustrator of Alice in Wonderland, and the word, "fastidious," came up more than once.

Reading online posts on IMDb and when I was elsewhere was a task.  The posts online just keep coming, and people expect them to be answered.  I wrote so much, people didn't pay attention to me, and I went and got a blog and just posted, apparently, about what I was doing, my problems, like with technology, about eating, stuff like that that goes on and on like a book..

I also spent a lot of time reading these 2 booklets with illustrations on personality types, the 2 major sorters.  I got some guides on specific types on my Nook and read through what I was interested in, which wasn't much.  That's when I was 12, too, maybe until I was 15.  They were really boring, but I'm pretty good at sorting and could sort out like something about dominant and secondary functions.  I think you sort all 4 letters.  I also read through what I was interested in in a longer text book of the major personality sorting type.
link
link
link
link
There was another popular 1 I can't find now about your dog or cat personality, came out in 1997 I think.  I read it and realized it was colored, racist people.  I got it in the past recent years.

So, I started reading, I think, Twilight, and I realized it was for kids.  I got another magical book that I found was from years ago.  So, I stopped.

Now, I'm trying to get back blogging skills and see if I can get as smart as I was when I was a tween.

I know there are young children's authors out there, but I didn't think those books were for me.  I wanted to read about true ghost stories, might get that.  I don't know about writing for skill.  That's something like poetry.  I dunno, maybe online articles are of some value.  Remember essays?  Maybe long psychology essays, mainly on like modern young people, like when MySpace was coming out, you know?  It doesn't sound like people want to make people happy and talk about it.  They just smile sarcastically and go on to something else.  It's something they do a lot.  They have that funny aura..

I had also been getting People on my Nook, and it's easy to go through and read.  It's mostly ads.  It's every week for $10 a month, I think.

I just said good-night.

My dad is going to bed.  =|  We didn't see Les Misérables.

Problem

Did you ever consider that people like Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp get everything as a tossup, but people who are not famous get told everything is going to "lit 'r' all y" hurt them?

Needs

I can't wait until the beginning of the month.  My room smells.  I smell.  My bathroom is full.

I need a bigger laundry hamper and wish I could fit maybe a big 1 for 2 things in my bathroom.

I want a big trash can by my  desk so I don't have to go by my door.

Hm, oh yes, an air purifier.  I used to have a more expensive 1, and I guess my room was pretty clean.  I have to throw a lot of stuff away tonight, hopefully the trash bags available.

My dad was supposed to get me a loud fan at the store, if not online.  There weren't any at Sears.

I did want to see if I want all the striped sweaters at Wal-Mart, like as a Christmas present.  I'll have to wait until I recover from the walking.

Also, there's a fly around my screen, but it's not bothering me too much.

Also, I need a chordless mouse.

Older Moms

Wow, I need to organize my questions.

So, I did everything you do with an older mom, but I didn't like grunt out the aches and pains, like it was a big display.  How is this inappropriate?  I guess if you're not white|all that European.

Problem

I think my dad is furious about what he found out about his son.  {E

Problem

I'm worried that supposedly other girls with older moms don't have moms my age and like that's my favorite style, so do I deserve it because their moms aren't that age?  They seemed to promise me they were okay because they were white and "I wasn't."  I never grew up pompous about it.  It was something to be ashamed of.  I guess people don't like to think about that fact.  I guess if you were white and had a sexy mom it would mean something.  She's very much of her generation, but my dad isn't.  So, I didn't actually turn on.

Problem

I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres is more scared of me than Tim Burton because she's a girl and my dad is so much older.  I can't really stop thinking around women younger than my dad.  I want to know about the girls with younger dads.  I know I have this 1 friend with parents younger than my dad around the same age.  I have another friend who's younger with parents the same age much older.  The other friend is a little older, born in early February.  My parents made it sound like I was supposed to be born in like December or January, maybe even early October like my grandma.  But, no, I wasn't born that early.  I wonder if they expected me to be born in March and be called Monica.  My dad's youngest sister is born in April, so.  My little brother and little girl cousin, the little girl cousin being my dad's youngest sisters's daughter, was born in November, and so was my dad's oldest of the sisters, who is younger.  Did you notice what I say sounds rebellious to you with what you think my impetus must be though it's just a fact though I'm really being like extra adamant in a good way that's more than expected, by the GI Generation or the people born before 1950, when my dad is born, in late July?

Problem

What do you think of my mom's apparent recurring issue of me latching on to other women and girls being more European but like being shitty?  I guess they weren't enough.

Got Mad

So, I was thinking wow like meeting Tim Burton it's like over for my mom.  I finally reach some way I wish I was but not exactly, like I was going through a change, filling out a different extreme.  I just wanted the European features in my background.  No one encouraged this.  So, I lost my personality at 11, maybe by earlier 1998.  I typed 2008, at 1st.  It's funny that's when computers came out.  I think it was also when I found I was moving to the New Orleans area.  That's kinda sick, supposedly someone gave me my personality.  Apparently, I just took from what others liked to do around me.  I mean, I found that quitting gymnastics I was able to be less like unfeeling-looking, though I'm sure the gymnastics is what gave me my strength.  I guess my mom seems to want me to not be attractive so I'll be accepted as modest, but no one believes that, at all, and even seem to expect more effort from me.  Also, my dad seems to have used to say he denied he'd hurt me for it, but I find this fact to be untrue.  They're lying to me and making me believe weird things, like my life became an experiment and that's actually why we moved or maybe why the whole bank of Florida closed.  If that's why, I mean what does that mean, so what?  Also, my brother wasn't as cool and my parents were like no comment.  For some reason, people started to make fun of him.  I know he took a picture of me where only like some more than ½ of me was showing.  I mean, I guess that's okay, but then he acted like he was sad for me that we weren't moving to the city.  I think my parents were just overbearing of that, like I was bad to want to have fun, like I had an attitude that would affect others.  Also, you're not supposed to make me uncomfortable with my dad because your dad ... "happens to be" Tim Burton.  OH MY GOD!  ^0^  Can you believe that?  And, tell me, who's your mom, your supposed blood mom???

Dream

I don't remember all of it, but it was very emotional.  I was lying like in a hotel bed.  I had the feeling of being carried that I was imagining or having happen to me.  It felt like Ellen DeGeneres was looming over me in the distance.  It was like by the cooling device.  I had sorta the feeling I was where I was, in my bed for real..  So, then I had the feeling my middle finger was going up, didn't realize it was my middle finger.  I put my other finger or fingers over it from my other hand, and it kinda worked but didn't and the middle finger and kinda the other fingers, maybe especially my ring finger, went up again, with a very weighted pressure that was kinda fuzzy, kinda like "pins and needles."  I think it really was.  Then, I felt like that my other arm was doing it or something.  That was awhile.  I found I was lying on my side.  So, that side was magically feeling the same pressure going up.  It was scary, though, because I didn't know what was going on.  Oh, yes, I kinda woke up just to see to make sure I could tell people later that I pretty much "saw it happen."  For some reason, it was so hard to open my eyes.  I thought I saw but didn't so much and closed my eyes again.  I think then, kinda expectedly, I felt my whole body, like I felt when I went to the Cleveland area during the hurricane, like with all that pressure as though it had all gone up like my finger. I wasn't really believing that.  I don't think that actually happened.  It was so scary, though, what happened to my finger.  So, then, I imagined like I guess some things happened, I went around the hotel maybe.  I was on my bed and I eventually faced my pillow if not right away and I was feeling myself stimulated with where my eyes were focused or pointing.  I think there was the though oh no her eyes are gonna cross.  Well, it was more fuzzy and somewhat light but someone intense, like I felt before.  Oh yes, I was feeling before, I guess in my sleep, realizing I met Ellen DeGeneres, like I met Tim Burton, thinking of where I used to live.  Maybe, living in the New Orleans area wore off and I was excited to see her.  I don't really know how I recovered.  I mean what I felt like moving there, but I mean I do have memories there.  I didn't really feel like I was in Florida.  So, I felt like kinda with the going up in the air like I was sorta like some idea of like relief.  I think before I was wondering about it.  I don't believe that's what happened at the start, and obviously in time I didn't actually feel kinda like I went up in the air, then.  I also had the feeling though that I really was moving funnily in my sleep, my side floating up kinda and that the look was really scary.  I am pretty sure that happened to my finger because I woke up I thought and put it down and probably was more asleep when I thought my side was floating.  It felt just like it did when I was awake 5 years ago, just realized it's been 5 years, except then it wasn't a pins and needles feeling.  I guess it made me feel kinda like magic, like I solved life.  No one's ever told me this happened to them.  I thought something bad would happen, but it was like I'd go to Heaven.

What I've been doing is lying in my bed trying to feel like people are stimulating me, and I sorta wake up and worry about things like how I left the dog outside and went to lie in bed.  I guess that ruined my evening, but it's something no one would care about if I let the dog in, you know?  That might be scary.  I wasn't too tired.  I was worried about if I'd wait for a minute and let him back out or about putting the waterbowl out.  I know that the dog likes it when it's cold.  That's why I let him out, also so I'd be alone..

I guess it disturbs me that someone could have seen me through the experiment.  Before, the experiment stopped.  1st, it was supposedly through the college.  Then, I'd been in the experiment, not as a communication tool.  I guess I just simply imagined what was happening.  Then, it stopped, and I'd experienced what felt and was like getting other worldly sounds sensed and sorta heard in an other-worldly way that were all interesting and like words mostly, like weird, really good cartoons but not like Disney as in Mickey Mouse.., so then I came home and thought that the world still was another world.  I was only here for the end of the fall and the winter.  Like, people represented certain stories of other characters.  It was more organized and themed, though, not something I could remember like a story and I've posted about it, in the past, I think on a blog or more than 1 blog.  So, then, it finally stopped, after I went back to school and felt tortured.  I think before coming home, for some reason, it still seemed magic, but the magic died and so did the noises.  I didn't hear anything here.  Well, I did recently, 1 noise, and I blogged it.  It was when The Hobbit came out.  Les Misérables just came out for Christmas, and today is Friday and I was gonna go see it.  Instead, I stayed home, tired from my walks.  I wanna walk again because I ran out of pizza.  Anyway, so, then, the experiment stopped and I had gotten in trouble for doing bad in school it felt, though I was a good student and I was tired.  I was expecting from the experiment to a high degree like endless pleasure and things I wanted organized.  No one would communicate to me anything.  I was always given the cold shoulder.  I thought the people in public were mostly or sometimes all a part of the experiment, and it was fun to think that though I didn't like it for a lot of reasons.  I couldn't interact with anyone.  So, the experiment stopped, I thought, and I never was sure it was real.  Then, I thought I was sure when I thought I was posting to Tim Burton.  I guess I found out that they were watching me, or they were at least communicating.  I kinda liked it, but I kinda would have preferred to see Tim Burton through the years.  Why wasn't he like he was in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?  I don't know, but I know I wasn't online, then.  So, then that kinda stopped, the thinking he was posting online.  So, what I'm saying is that people know if this really happened or not, I mean the moving of my dream.

Loyola

So, my friends in Northeastern Florida, in the nation's oldest continuing city, but who didn't really participate in the culture.., got invites to that prestigious school, though I didn't and moved there at 12 and couldn't get good letters of recommendation for honors and like fought my way in, got the books early, and didn't read them, whereas other kids read them in high school.  So, these friends goofed off and for some reason had to stop talking to me.  I know when junior high started, this happened.

LSU

So, people from New Orleans go to LSU.  I wanted to go up north, but I found New Orleans had a good Catholic school with a top music school.

Stuck Up

Why are people from Georgia, South Carolina ... [E ... Alabama, and kinda sometimes some people in or people from Mississippi ... like people from Metarie ... so stuck up?  Same with Texas, but it's more like people from Florida.  :D

Good Things Bringing Pleasure

Did you ever realize that someone else bad just wants the good things to bring them pleasure, as well?  Instead, they've been preaching that good things are supposed to make you feel tortured and magically, though you don't deserve this, your wishes will work out for you and there's something in the world for you to do to stay alive.

Stereotyping

Why don't people today want to listen to reason, like when something comes up discuss it?  They think like things have to happen the way before, like the sorta tormenting yourself, like the way it was so brilliantly accepted to be solved suddenly is imperfect, when that wasn't even enough.  It's like meeting an overly stereotyped person, you know?..

Being Like Others

Why are you making me go back and not use the influence of close friendships I built, acquaintances I've had successfully, etc.?  I will not do that.  I'm not locked in a box and never wanted to be like my parents.  In some ways, I liked my parents.  I guess if you like someone in some way, you'd want to find some way you like being like them.

Bad News

What do you think of meeting someone like Tim Burton and then finding that all the things that were right are like sorta something you owe?

Child Celebs

So, I guess you just like people from Europe, young people, and child celebs.  Something for me is suggested that wasn't suggested before.

Places ... Faces

These people, these faces... maybe a quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

So, Wisconsin is pushy.  Other states are trying to make it and think that the Northeast, like NYC, is delicate or specific or exciting and fast-paced.  There are probably strong people there, but I dunno any.

Thinking Others Are Niggers

Tim Burton in his heart says Ellen DeGeneres is a nigger.  He doesn't care.  That's the point.  He doesn't feel like caring about this idea that came up, like a sudden jolt or explosion.

Important People Judging Kids

So, I see kids, sometimes, often, look in a bad way like older people and their parents are strict on everyone about this, even innocent people, which is wrong and unimpressive and will be silenced.  So, supposedly I would be responsible ... people would judge me for not looking perfect and not want to realize what's going on and get upset and be racist.  It's pretty extreme.  So, ugly kids important people feel sorry for.  Like Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres.

Copying Others

So, you see my little brother and my cousin do something really tacky, and then it gets psyched into my message to the world?

The Deep South..

It seems we make white people comfortable but think like being innovative is only for people from the Deep South.

Also, what did I do wrong in the South as a white person?

Facebook

I added a description to my new cover photo: link.

Facebook Post

Facebook

Letting Someone Younger Do Something Else

Did you ever find if someone expects you to do something, they'll let someone younger do something else?

New Facebook Cover

Facebook

Being Good at Something

What do you think of people who expect you to do something and then get mad you're good at it?

Twitter

I'm on IMDb.

IMDb

I'm not like on constantly and may do other things.  I feel kinda like emptied from walking and jogging.

Turbo! 3D

Look at this cool IMDb ad!: Link.

I have the most amazing story to tell.

Though my mood is still rather unstable, I was in the tub and was able to feel stimulated at points, as I usually do, but more "on target," so-to-speak.  It felt like in the New Orleans area and summer 2005 when my life had become like an experiment and then supposedly had been, like my whole life and then I had a different mom etc.  So, yea, then I got in bed and that's when I felt like that.  You know, you think of something and then you kinda feel it but you don't feel like that's really you and you're mad it's not you but at the same time don't want to do it.  So, I was in bed and felt all these feelings kinda of "being stimulated."  I was amazed at feeling like I was a kid with sorta medium-large crinkled curls and then like I was a tween or teen or preteen.  Finally, I imagined I was born around 1960 and went through different dimensions but in the end, thinking about being white, just sorta felt "responsible," like responsible for others.  I even didn't mind if my "dad did it."  I think he threw me 1 for safekeeping, while my mom and brother are gone.  Well, I just heard him, yesterday.  Oh, and, for some reason, I've been stimulating myself but feeling it more smoother, at least not that sorta perverted feeling like I'm being tortured and can't control it, which really cuts through and addicts you and makes you just want.

Something Cool

I watched a teacher and fair, pretty black student from the arts school in New Orleans on YouTube..

Ate

2 Packs of Crackers When I Woke Up
Hot Dog on Wheat With Hienz Ketchup
New! Chef Boyardee Canned Macaroni and Cheese
Frozen Hamburger on Thin Rye With Hienz Ketchup
About 7 Asparagus's
Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Frosting I Made and the Rest of the Breyer's Chocolate Ice Cream
Cold Water

I didn't take my vitamins this morning.  Also, My right ear with the new pimple is hurting more, like an ache or pain but not incredibly painful, more irritating.  I want to take a shower soon, feel like relaxing, may get tired laying in the tub.

Problem

My parents used to leave the house nice with clues like I'm the princess coming home from college interested in Tim Burton but can't stand noise since I was a music major..  I thought in the experiment which came back I was supposed to call his daughter the n word.  Maybe, then calling their son gay on the bonus features of a movie made that happen.  Also, they were gonna ask me to do it, later..  So, also, I don't believe Cali and L.A. knows about caring for the person as a person.

Ow

My right ear now feels like it has a pimple and is affecting my jaw.  I guess I need a new pack of ear plugs each month.

IMDb

Ow

I scratched like the back of my neck|head and it hurt like something was stuck in it because there's a pimple.

Interesting

My dad was up early today.  When I got up.  Around 5:45 A.M.

Ow! ^0^

My left ear had a pimple, and my right 1 has a similar feeling.  I keep taking long baths but still feel dirty.  My female thing!  It's still pretty minute.

Problem

I feel like I've been made to hurt myself.  I also feel made fun of that it was possible and that some people wouldn't care, that some people can't be hurt like that, psychiatrically.  I mean the way my body is working.  This has gone on awhile.  It could have been interesting, but the people in the area are so critical of me.  They just want to make me feel guilty because I went on my big break, though they probably bothered me, before, as much.

Edit

I took the Comment Form off the Me Page.

Dream

I don't remember the 1st, but it was good.

The 2nd I was like in a big more empty, dark museum with a dark floor.  I was with my mom looking at a shelf of DVDs and came across some workout ones.  There was also a kit for toning, like a big thing with material, not sure how it worked, kinda like you pumped at it.  So, I picked this arm & something working.  I thought of a dog and saw like an image with big sorta poofy arms with curves.  I went and brought that with me.  So, I came up to Ginny Kopf and she was teaching 3 or 4 classes and 1 was an exercise class.  I was in a line with people, like another dream a more long time ago saw a guy from high school who was bigger with a big head, kinda drugged from all the energy he had, and I said hi to him in the end.  So, I came up to the teacher, and I think she noticed me.  I went off, and then I came across her.  I thought she was going to sign me up for a class.  So, there was like a bunch of stairs facing the center.  Everyone was walking up and down them and almost doing a coordinated routine, and I realized I'd missed the beginning classes.  I just did what the people by me did, like sorta crouched over sometimes.  It felt like I was experienced in this a lot and hoped everyone else would be or feel that they could have been if they wanted.  I thought I'd done this on couches.  So, she did something, don't remember what.

Good Night

3)

Others's Capability of Thinking

Did you ever experience that others found you smart but say your parent nor others who knew you would let you know|prove that they were smart nor worth it?

Annoying

Do you find White Girl Problems's impersonation of Ellen DeGeneres annoying?

Problem

My mom didn't make me like my dad.  I don't want to eject blocks of text as fighting to others.

Problem

Why does my dad go out of his way to be mean to me?  Like, he keeps getting me like the wrong foods.  He's getting me surpluses of the same thing.  I don't want to eat it.  I ended up eating it.  I guess he wouldn't want to get me more later, but then he didn't buy me restaurant food.  I don't know why, but there's a reason.  It doesn't mean I shouldn't get my food.  He keeps avoiding how people act, like being concerned about what you mean.  He just acts like he provided me with an opportunity other people don't have.

Problem

My dad if he choses the life he has has to accept it.

Problem

My dad hurt me.  I heard a noise, and there was a bubble on the back right of my head.  I heard a message, too.  I'm not really sure why it matters, but it does.

Problem

I found out that the bad schools are the reason I need a break.  So, how will I rest in peace?

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres wants things to be rough and improper, and I don't believe that.

Exercise

3 Side Sit-Ups on Each Side

Problems

So, why should Ellen DeGeneres be accepted by Pennsylvania if she believes you can't like more than one culture, as a human?

Also, get my dad outta here, I can experience pleasure if I want.  Look, someone, get him to stop.  He's like doing stuff.  It's important.

Problem

I guess Ellen DeGeneres is something of a clown who thinks she can sit there and pretend to hurt people.  Let's boycott.  I wonder why she's thought of this because she's old or because she does this to people mercilessly?  Maybe, she's embarrassed that she's human and gives in to being accepted by bad people.

Problem

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I DON'T CARE WHAT MY DAD THINKS ABOUT THE AMERICAN SHIT HE PROVIDED

Problem

GET MY DAD TO STOP AND GET MY GRANDMA TO STOP TELLING ME I SHOULDN'T CARE ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE

Problem

All day, I'm getting little annoying messages from supposed Ellen DeGeneres.  She's stopped complaining so much about wasting her purpose doing it.

Now, they're threatening to convince me I believe I am supposed to be submissive because my parents didn't give me everything I needed.

They think I don't believe in real hypnosis because I went to the library in college for fun.

Ate

I also had about 5 asparagus cooked on water.

Problem

My dad is not certified safe to be cool, like over me.

Problem

I'm tired of thinking Ellen DeGeneres and my dad need to think if I think I feel something it's true and means I did it.

Also, why do I need these noises in my room that are so annoying?  They can stop, but they came back.  I really can't live my life like this.

Fashion Sense

Something really interested me.  I noticed the trendy clothes I found in the Jacksonville area stopped when I moved to the New Orleans area, which was completely behind in merchandise, zero, zip, nada caught my emotion. That, as well as my personality other than me shelling to remember it, totally died.  I went back to Jacksonville, and they had talking trash cans.  The clothes were big and square.

Bathed and Ate

I had my burger on a thin rye bun with Heinz ketchup.  I had some more canned Chef Boyardee macaroni and cheese, just a little.  Water.

I was in the tub for I guess what seems to be nearly 2½ hours, showered for maybe 15 minutes, brushed my teeth.  So, over 2 hours?

I guess I didn't get to go to Olive Garden with my dad.

I feel much cleaner and more refreshed.  I have moisturizer on my crotch, leg bottoms, and forearms and hands, and face.  My crotch is all like metal and a bit warm.  It must be that new kind of matter that was discovered.

I might go to bed soon or have fun maybe watching my videos and looking over my blog, possibly posting more, not sure what else, wish I could go to the movies, though my dad'd have to take me.  Maybe do some side sit-ups.  3)

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